Beatrice - I definitely see my X's hurt, anger, frustration from the lack of relationship - primarily with our son. In some way it's as if he has "written off" his relationship with our older girls. But he's all into his "new" family with OW and her grandchildren. Funny, one of the things he told me when he left was that he didn't want the responsibility any longer. Of course, he forgets that he said that - but we all know that's part of the script. Anyway, I'm determined to make this a great holiday. Last year definitely had a pall over it and my kids deserve better. Went to the holiday craft store last night with my friend and watched as she picked out her decorations. Felt a deep sadness. I used to get into it so much - tried to make everything look perfect. Realized that the majority of the reason for me doing it was to make X see how great everything was - how beautiful our life was. Spent a lifetime trying to be perfect and trying to make everything perfect because he was such a hard man to please. Never would share what would make him happy. I have been fighting a losing battle my whole adult life. Now I need to figure out what would make ME happy and I'm having a tough time doing it.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
