Wife just told me doesn't want to be married

[witz10]

If there is OM what do I do what are my odds

[dbmod]

^

[MrBond]

This isn't Vegas. There are no "odds". You control only what is in your hands. YOu have to face the possibility that there is a guy in the picture. That will help you to deal things with a level head and not get overly emotional when the crap hits the fan.

Control the things you can control. Be the one to divide up the bills. Stop letting her run the show. She's bulldozing over you right now.

[sandi2]

I was emailing my W to tell her what I spoke to the attorney about

Why would you do that??

[sandi2]

I never put her and the kids first. I always lumped them in with my family one big family. Boy was I wrong.

I can speak from experience and tell you that the MR has been seriously damaged due to you not putting her before your family. It's not the same (one big family) to her! Sometimes, a M doesn't survive when the W feels her in-laws came before her and her children. I'm sure that is one reason she wants you to stop working for/with the family business. She wants you independent of the one big family. I just hope it's not too late.

She told me she had a crush on someone that she has been drinking with over the summer

Here's your answer. This is why she's "uncomfortable" when you're around.

My therapist says I have a right to know and should ask. But I don't want to think of her with anyone else.

Don't bother asking. However, choosing not to deal with infidelity by sticking your head in the sand seems to come across as kind of weak, but maybe that's just me.

So what do you wish to accomplish and what are your goals?

[witz10]

My goals are to keep fighting for my marriage. I have been going to the gym for myself to lose weight which I am doing.
She had a consult today with her mediator I have not heard anything else. I am looking into a personal loan to cover whatever debts I have to take over. I told her this already and her response was lets see what happens first. I keep getting vague statements from her.

[witz10]

My wife went and spoke with an attorney yesterday. She wants to divide up debt and assets. She is willing to take over the mortgage payment etc. We need to figure out on our own custody and support for the kids. I spoke with an attorney but didn't like him. She said we can go through hers to get all the paper work signed. We just need to write down what we want and come to an agreement. I honestly don't care what I get. What I want is not happening right now and that is to stay a family. I hate all this. I am in therapy and for what to fix me yet I still keep breaking and no idea how to rebuild right now. The love of my life is walking away from me.

[sandi2]

I keep getting vague statements from her.

You should be the one with vague statements, instead of spilling your guts to her.

I know it may sound bad, but things are different now, and she does not need to know everything. Check with your legal advisor before telling her anything about your financial plans.

[witz10]

Well as of right now I am done with busting. My W and I were emailing back and forth today about our soon to be separation agreement. Tonight when I was over at my condo tto be with my kids cause she works late on Tuesdays I confronted her when she got home. I looked at her and got a little emotional and was not going to say anything then I turned around and came out with is there another man? Her response was do you really need to know. I told her according to my therapist I have a right to know. Her response was I consider myself single.
Now according to her she is not filing for divorce. Then I asked her do I need to know anymore? Her response was No you don't So I said ok youare sleeping with him. I have mentioned this piece of work in previous posts about how he drinks a case of beer a day practically. This is what she is doing while we are separated. Friends asked me would you take her back and I am not sure. My heart says yes my mind though. Could I get over this. I don't know.
So divorce Busting world what are your thougths to my situation?
I am speaking with my own attorney tomorrow.
M37
W going to be 34
S 6
D 3
Married 8 years
together 12
Separated 6.5 months

[witz10]

I filled out a match.com profile. Not sure if this was a good idea or bad one. Since what I learned last night. Not sure of anything these days.