+1 on the "2011 sucked" Telemark, I was thinking that myself. My sister had a PA and got divorced after 10 years, sister-in-law got divorced after 15 years, and I discovered my W's serial A's going back several years. In 2010 I never saw this coming, I was happy in a way I don't think I can be again!
Before I found this board I was discussing my situation with a friend who said "you got nuked!" and that is what it felt like. Here everyone refers to it as "the bomb". One day you're walking down the street smiling and whistling, and the next day you wake up like a character in McCarthy's "The Road" where you don't recognize anything about your surroundings. Very surreal experience and intensely painful.
Also +1 that you are a good man and have handled this as well as anyone could have. My best wishes to you going forward.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Telemark, I'm going to chime in here with my warped sense of optimism. Maybe it's my own self-convincing. I am going to say there were some good things that came out of 2011 for you. - You have grown as a person like never before - You have gained a lot of wisdom - You have learned a lot more about what a fine man your S and a fine woman your D have grown up to be. You should be very proud. - You are in the best physical condition you've been in for a long time if not ever. - You have met a lot of very quality anonymous friends on this MB. - Hopefully, you have learned there ARE very high quality women out there, evidenced by the women we've met on this board. - Hopefully your relationship with God has grown as a result of your situation.
I'll go ahead and say the deck is stacked in your favor for a tremendous 2012!
Originally Posted By: Telemark
my imagination runs away with thoughts of her and the OM, the fact that she has a whole new life without me
Seriously? Please tell me you are not envious of that circus! I wouldn't exactly call THAT a whole new life!
Originally Posted By: Telemark
A date for New Year's would be nice...
Uhh..sorry, man. I'm busy. I just had to throw that in because of a comment you made on my thread.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
At least I didn't type my initial response which was, "Why? Is OM busy?"
I understand completely. Good thing you bit your tongue. I have been very tempted to make these kind of comments, too. And I'm sure we're not alone.
Thanks, Accuray. I always get something out of your posts, so your encouraging words mean a great deal.
"You got nuked" is a pretty accurate description. Our "life landscapes" (OK, that may sound cheesy, but work with me here...) have been altered forever by our spouses' actions and words. But I suppose with the passage of time new growth starts to occur and after a while it's a new landscape.
I'll stop before it gets too deep for hip boots.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Thanks, brother. Your words mean a great deal, also. Everyone who I have "met" on this forum has been a Godsend, and I credit this place with helping to keep my sanity intact.
Yes, despite the crapstorm I am grateful for much. I have an unbelievably great relationship with my 2 kids, I have resurrected old friendships that I deeply love and treasure-including pretty good ones with XW #1 and her family-I am in OK shape for a 56 year old geezer and yes, my relationship with God is bursting at the seams.
Thank you for those reminders.
I'm not envious of the 3-ring circus my W has created, but it still feels...well, just off...that she is living this new life. Probably a pretty screwed-up life, but after being with someone every day for 11+ years, it does sting to think of her going through the day-to-day without me. But believe me, that's getting easier to bear.
Well, if you're going to be that way about New Year's I'll just have to ask DG, paige40, ROMB, learning2listen...lc4 is off the market...
Seriously, thanks.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Seriously TM, Outside of the situation I know nothing of you other than you're the type of man that reminded me of my father. I hope to get to that mentality of yours someday and am grateul for the advice you've given among others as well.
Stay stong good sir, you're an inspiration to more than you know.
Maybe it's my own self-convincing. 
I just had to throw that in because of a comment you made on my thread.