I'm still here-again

[Valeska19]

I agree DG.. you are worth it!

This is just another step in the process of moving forward.

When we first start our journey, we look at ourselves. There is a sense of guilt for awhile at how we contributed to our demise of our relationship.

We beat ourselves up over it.

We then work on ourselves and over time... we shift to the other side of the spectrum. The side where we feel worth it and become "done" because our spouse has clearly not put in half the effort we have.

And we move forward.

Like AC said, it is a rollercoaster and eventually you will come to the middle where you still feel like you are worth it.. but you no longer feel anger or hurt anymore. The expression "his/her loss" doesn't even matter.

I think you made a good step. I remember the phase you are in and it was healthy for me.. for awhile.. Then I found myself feeling "superior" to my w and that ended up bringing on more anger.

Not saying this is you or will happen to you.. just saying to keep your heart open.

Great work! Keep on Keeping on.

[~¤DG¤~]

That's the beauty of all this Val, I'm not angry.

Yes I'm upset about how he has handled things, but it's not anger.
I used to walk around with anger built up inside of me, and I am so thankful that with all this hard work I've been able to let that darkness inside of me fizzle, and it feels good.

I know deep down inside that H is a good man with a good heart, he's just flawed. We are all flawed in similar and different ways. It's how you handle the flaws is what is important.

Like you said, accept the things you cannot change, and have the courage to change the things you can, which I think I'm headed in the right direction.

[Valeska19]

yes you are!

where is the d@mn like button!!

[westcoastfella]

I know! You are doing absolutely great, D.G. Keep going!

[~¤DG¤~]

The funeral was sad, but beautiful.
Gpa was well loved by all of his family, and it showed. He was involved with planning his funeral, right down to picking out his green bay packer colored casket.

When I got there, I was sitting in the back, and my ex MIL invited me to sit with the family. I was not expecting that at all. I was honored that even though we're divorced, EXH'sfamily still considers me family.
I sat in between the boys, and we all cried together.
His oldest granddaughter gave a eulogy that didn't leave a dry eye in the room.
If everyone had a heart as big as Gpa's this world would be a much better place.

[realormakebeliev]

DG, so sorry for your loss, I'm keeping you all in my prayers. ((()))

Don't we all hope to leave a mark like that on the world? He sounds like he was an amazing person...glad you could be there for the boys, too. That was very thoughtful of your ex MIL.

[~¤DG¤~]

I'm kind of curious as to when we are supposed to attend the hearing for our D. I still have not received anything and it's been 3 weeks since he filed.
I've looked online to see if there is a date listed and there isn't.

I heard something on the radio this morning where they were discussing divorce with a couple. The woman had been married and divorced 3 times, and she was only 28!!
One thing the DJ said to the man disturbed me. "Don't ever be the 3rd spouse."
He went on to explain that 1 divorce is understandable, everyone makes mistakes.
However if the person you are dating has been divorced more than once, do not get into a relationship with them.
It kind of felt like a slap in the face, but it is also one of my biggest fears. I don't want to meet someone who is frightened by the fact that I've been divorced twice.

[Valeska19]

That's crap..

DG - no one is perfect. You've done the work on yourself which alot more than most people do.

You are a great catch!

[2stepboogie]

Quick recap for anyone who isn't familiar with my sitch:

H & I married for 5 years, together for 6. I struggled a lot with anxiety/depression and also with a bad temper.
H left on Feb 20th and filed for D on Oct 21st. I still have not received any paperwork., but I'm sure I will soon.

Journaling-

I have the day off of work due to Veterans day, which is a first. We've usually been open but this year they decided to close.
I took advantage of the day to put up some Holiday decorations. I always liked to get them up early but usually didn't because H always said I couldn't until Thanksgiving.
Well....H isn't here so up they went. I will wait until Tday to put up the tree though.
I also did some baking this morning. Lately I've really had the cooking/baking bug and I like it, although my waist line may say differently.
I made some brownies and chocolate chip bars, tonight I am making baked mostaccioli.
I've never made it before, but since I'm italian, how difficult could it be?

I'm dreading the holidays this year. Last year Christmas was not good at all, H & I fought a lot and it makes me sad to think that our last Christmas together was memorable in a negative way.
I honestly thought that H & I would have reconciled by now. It's hard to believe that we've been apart 9 months now. Some days I don't think much about it at all, but then others it is on my mind constantly.
I still love and am in love with my H, even though he has decided to shut the door on our M. Those of you who have been with me this far know the change and growth I have experienced. Those who may be new to this whole DB concept-I have a couple words of wisdom that I have learned thus far that you can do with what you wish:

1. Do not let ANYONE tell you what you should do/think/feel. I'm not talking about fellow DB'ers on this site as much as I mean the people in your life. Nobody wants to see someone they care about in pain, and probably genuinely want to help, but only YOU know what's best for YOU.

2. Do not give up on yourself. We have all done things that we are not proud of, and we have all made mistakes. However, beating yourself up over the past and things you cannot change will only hurt you instead of help. Realize you've made your own share of mistakes, but don't place all the burden of blame on your shoulders. It takes 2 in any relationship.

3. This one is most important to me-remember that you were someone before your spouse, and you are someone after them also. Thinking that you are "nothing" without them isn't healthy. The only person who completes you, is you. Being co dependent on someone else for your self worth & happiness will always make you feel insecure about yourself.

4. It really is true when they say DBing is more about you than saving your M. If it helps your M that is a wonderful thing, but even if it doesn't, doesn't mean you have failed. I had that concept twisted in my head for a long time.

5. Patience, patience, patience. This road you are traveling on is going to take more patience than you've probably ever had to have in your life. That is ok though. As someone who had to have things rightnow, it has taught me to slow down and respect the process. Like you've probably already heard a million times, this is a marathon, not a sprint. (Right JB?)

I have seen you since day one.

Your best post.

You have indeed grown alot.

Keep it up

[jbnati]

It kind of felt like a slap in the face, but it is also one of my biggest fears. I don't want to meet someone who is frightened by the fact that I've been divorced twice.

DG, instead of worrying about someone judging you for being D'd twice, show the world how much you've grown because of it. Show them what you've overcome!! My Tuesday night group leader has been D'd twice and is in her third M, and she is a very impressive woman! YOU are an impressive woman!