Advice from successful DB'rs?

[PERSEVERANCE]

I'm a newbie. This site has been so helpful...I want to thank all of you for your support. I'm looking for advice from successful DB'rs. My saga is; Need HOPE & Advice. I've learned so much in a short time... I'm just trying to be patient,live the 180s, make possitive changes to myself & pray that my family will stay together.

[Drew]

Define successful DB'er.

[PERSEVERANCE]

Sorry- just meant advice from people who successfully changed & were able to reunite their family, save their marriage.... Happy endings. I could use some encouragement...stuck in Afghanistan (should be home soon), family falling apart and I'm hurting more than words can describe.

[Drew]

I'm sorry you're hurting.

And thank you for your service.

Happy endings come in a lot of different flavors ...-

[MrBond]

Don't lose hope. Don't despair. Don't fear.

Every sitch is different but the pain is the same. We've all been in your shoes so you are not alone. Remember that.

First thing I would suggest is that you change your name. Calling yourself "broken" is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Look for a name that defines power, strength, control and confidence.

That will help your mindset for the days ahead.

[mindfull]

I'll give you a happy ending.

Mindfull and DeeBee Fergie are now dating for over a year.

LoL

We met here.

[PERSEVERANCE]

Good advice Mr B. Thinking of new names now!

[Sad_but_happy]

Hi Broken,

First off... Thanks for your service.

I understand the pain. The hopelessness. You are not alone.

We have all been there.

You will come out of this a better person. That I guarantee.

I have successfully DB'ed. Wife is back. She finally just yesterday after a year told me that she is sorry for all the pain that she caused. That she wants to be with me. So DB'ing DOES work...

Don't beg or pleed. Don't send emails. No "i love you's"...

Eat everyday. Workout. Have fun with your buddies.


Live for you!!!


And remember... "No person is worth your tears, and the ONE that is won't make you cry." (not sure who said it)...

Stay safe my friend!

[2stepboogie]

I would not consider myself a successful DBer at least not in the sense your looking for so in that regards I'm sorry, I'm not what your looking for.

I did want to come express my support and condolences for what your going through. I've been serving for 16 yrs going on 17 in just a few months and I've done my time in the box.

I can tell you that you share an experience that for most is hard to relate to. Nothing destroys the moral of a soldier more than a Dear John letter while over seas. I'm not sure what your job is but as an infantry men I can tell you that I can live with the IED's, ambushes, mortar rounds and anything else it's what I call occupational hazards but a dear John letter really crushes you.

You feel so helpless and out of control but I can also tell you that your distance and lack of contact also serves a very good purpose and the military life keeps you distracted but that does not help you in your down time does it. Surround yourself with friends stay busy and keep your head down and your rifle clean.

You can always do what a soldier did not long ago while serving overseas. After receiving a dear John letter from his fiancée he gathered all the pictures from the men in his platoon of females (gf, wives, sisters) in the envelope he was mailing home he put those pictures and included a picture of his fiancée with a simple note

"Sorry to inform you I can't remember which one is you; Please take out your picture and send back the rest"

But of course this is not the DB way. Just a thought

[PERSEVERANCE]

Thanks Sad,

Thats awesome- Its nice to hear about a happy reconciliation. This site has been great- the info & support. I'm changing my name from Broken to PERSEVERANCE.... more positive & self fulfilling.
My wife sent an email saying "Truthfully,you sound much healthier emotionally & mentally. It makes me happier than you could ever know." She ended the email with LOVE (W)
-she hasn't ended an email with "love" in quite a long time...What could this mean? I waited two days and responded by simply saying that perhaps I needed to hit rock bottom before I could see the light & yes, I have clarity & emotionally feel better than I have in years.
-I'm learning the 180s...Changes to improve my life & those around me, will be back home in a few weeks from Afghanistan & plan to take up new hobbies etc... Any advice from anyone out there is really appreciated. Thank you all so much!