I know a man that has mentioned that on occasion his W will ask him to stop "yelling". This is a pretty solid couple (as far as any of us can know) and he is always surprised when she says this (I have been in their company when this has happened). It's a difference of perspective.
They have 3 young kids and it can get pretty loud. His responses were, to the effect of "I'm not upset. I didn't realize I'd raised my voice. Or, just trying to talk over the noise". This quashes everything. They both "get" what's happening.
Whether you yell or not, your W sees you as doing so. Telling her you don't yell, doesn't help. you could ask her to let you know when this happens, but I'm not sure if it will fly right now.
I know money is tight. Ialso know that a great way to build self-esteem is through action. How about volunteering? It can be social, you'll definately meet new people and it's a way to put your life in perspective.
