Peicing and hoping I'm doing the right thing.

[FreeBird0120]

Thank you Kaffe and lc4:

Well here's an update for you...

I went on my husbands yahoo account to update our S16 website and email, and low and behold I found my H and OW conversations they've had up until right before I moved back home. They were pretty sexual in detail, but definitely were written as just fantasy's they had with each other. They talked of sexual fantasies that my H and I actually acted out. Was he thinking of her while H and I were ML in the ways they fantasized about?? I know that they have been meeting up quite a bit prior to me moving back in, but their convo's eluded to just that, convo's. They would say things like, "We're getting closer to the real thing" and "We're being bad, what's going to happen when all of these fantasies come to fruision?" So I know they haven't had a PA yet, but it was getting close.

Since I've moved back, H has had no contact with OW and has been extremely transparent with me. I confronted him with what I knew this morning, and he said he knew it wasn't right, but that they were just conversations. He said that since I moved back he's been doing everything to prove to me that this is what he wanted, his family. He is upset that his actions this last 2 weeks haven't shown me anything, that his feelings and his actions didn't matter. I ended up telling him I was sick to my stomach and had to let him go as I needed to vomit and we hung up.

I just called him and told him that I know and appreciate what he's done for our M since I moved back and that I know he hasn't talked to her. I asked him to put everything out on the table now and to let me know anything else that might have happened between them so that we could move forward and he said absolutely nothing physical has happened between them. I told him that since I now know everything, that I am still willing to move forward and work on us because I love him. I told him that now that I know everything, I wouldn't shove it in his face or hold it over his head, that I needed my closure with what happened between them to be able to do this. He says he wants to move forward, but doesn't want to be held under a microscope. I told him that trust doesn't just come overnight, and that I needed time to heal from this and that I want to work towards trusting him again, but that he needed to be 100% transparent with me. I said I was in this 250% because I love him, and needed to know if he was willing to give 250% as well, and his comment to me was, "I thought I already was." He then said he needed to get off of the phone to finish up with work, and we hung up. He didn't say he loved me and only apologized when I brought that fact up.

So now what?? What should my next move be?? I'm so hurt and scared...Please help me figure this one out guys...I need you all now more than ever!!