TIMES THAT TRY MENS SOULS

[gunny]

hello 2,
Thanks for stopping in. Really needed the pep talk. I feel that i have been making some tentative progress, but having to deal with reality(i.e selling my cabin) tends to set me back sometimes. This is the nature of the beast.

You are right. In this crappy sitch we are all in, there is no way around, we just have to go through it. No two ways about it.

Yes, I will remain in contact with my neighbors. I have actually struck up a good friendship with a divorcee upstairs, she is always there to talk to, she has been in my shoes(except that she initiated d with an abusive husband), every so often we share a glass of wine together.

Hope you are doing well today, thanks again

[sayitaintso]

Sorry your having a rough time Gunny. I can imagine anyone dealing with having to sell your cabin and move etc. would have feelings of anger, resentment, etc running wild. When I get hit w/ these body blows I try to tell myself that they will pass with time and recall previous situations that I dealt with and how by trying to stay "neutral" and not get to up and down is what's best for me. Obviously easier said than done.

Know that you have people on here that are thinking of you and pulling for you.

Best!!

[Rick1963]

Gunny hang in there we all know how you feel and what you are going through. I know that soon you will begin to feel better that all is not lost because it isn't. Keep posting here it helps me a great deal even when I make no sense. Believe me your W maybe be feeling ok now but that will change soon. God has a plan don't forget that. Have a great one buddy.

[gunny]

thanks for the words of encouragement all, it is greatly appreciated!!

[gunny]

Good morning all, feeling a little better today, not quite as anxious or angry, I guess the feeling will come and go, the proverbial roller coaster.

Came across this poem in a book i am reading called THE WALK OUT WOMAN. The author is Dr. Steve Stephens.

WALLS

THEIR WEDDING PICTURE MOCKED THEM FROM THE TABLE
THESE TWO WHOSE MINDS NO LONGER TOUCHED EACH OTHER
THEY LIVED WITH SUCH A HEAVY BARRICADE BETWEEN THEM
THAT NEITHER BATTERING RAM OF WORDS
NOR ARTILLERIES OF TOUCH COULD BREAK IT DOWN

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE OLDEST CHILDS FIRST TOOTH
AND THE YOUNGEST DAUGHTERS GRADUATION
THEY LOST EACH OTHER

THROUGHOUT THE YEARS THEY SLOWLY UNRAVELED
THAT TANGLED BALL OF STRING CALLED SELF
AND AS THEY TUGGED AT STUBBORN KNOTS
EACH HID HIS SEARCHING FROM THE OTHER

SOMETIMES SHE CRIED AT NIGHT AND
BEGGED THE WHISPERING DARKNESS TO TELL HER WHO SHE WAS
HE LAY BESIDE HER, LIKE A HIBERNATING BEAR
UNAWARE OF HER WINTER

ONCE, AFTER THEY HAD MADE LOVE
HE WANTED TO TELL HER HOW AFRAID HE WAS OF DYING
BUT, FEARFUL TO SHOW HIS NAKED SOUL
HE SPOKE INSTEAD OF THE BEAUTY OF HER BREASTS

SHE TOOK A COURSE ON MODERN ART
TRYING TO FIND HERSELF IN COLORS SPLASHED UPON A CANVAS
COMPLAINING TO THE OTHER WOMEN ABOUT MEN
WHO ARE INSENSITIVE

HE CLIMBED INTO A TOMB CALLED "THE OFFICE"
WRAPPED HIS MIND IN A SHROUD OF PAPER FIGURES
AND BURIED HIMSELF IN CUSTOMERS

SLOWLY, THE WALL BETWEEN THEM ROSE, CEMENTED BY
THE MORTAR OF INDIFFERENCE

ONE DAY, REACHING OUT TO TOUCH EACH OTHER,
THEY FOUND A BARRIER THEY COULD NOT PENETRATE
AND, RECOILING FROM THE COLDNESS OF THE STONE
EACH RETREATED FROM THE STRANGER ON THE OTHER SIDE

FOR WHEN LOVE DIES, IT IS NOT IN A MOMENT OF ANGRY BATTLE,
OR WHEN FIERY BODIES LOSE THEIR HEAT
IT LIES PANTING, EXHAUSTED
EXPIRING AT THE BOTTOM OF A WALL IT COULD NOT SCALE

Very sad, and in many ways, pretty descriptive of what happened in my m. Many of us are probably living sitchs similar to what is described here. Apparently, the gentleman who wrote this was able to reconnect with his w, lets hope we all get the same chance. Comments anyone?

[gunny]

Received this email from w yesterday. She has been gone almost 3.5 weeks, still very early in the process compared to many of you. Over the last two weeks, we have been corresponding back and forth via email, I dont text, and we havent talked by phone except for one time, 5 days after she left

Here it is

HI GUNNY

THANKS FOR MEETING WITH VICKY THIS WEEKEND AND GETTING THINGS STARTED. I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN THE PAPERS ARRIVE. I'M SURPRISED BY THE HIGHER ASKING PRICE, BUT IF VICKY THINKS THAT A GOOD PLACE TO START, THATS FINE, ITS BETTER FOR BOTH OF US, THATS FOR SURE.

WAS THERE ANY SNOW UP THERE WHEN YOU WERE THERE? DID DAVE, TRISH, YOUR DAD AND ELLEN MAKE IT UP?

THANK YOU FOR REMEMBERING THE PICTURES IN THE KITCHEN TOO

I RECEIVED THE PACKAGE WITH MY MOMS WILLS, THE MARRIAGE CERT, ETC. I WOULD LIKE TO REIMBURSE YOU FOR ALL THE POSTAGE YOU HAVE BEEN USING TO GET THINGS TO ME, SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW MUCH.

TRAVELER(OUR DOG), SEEMS TO BE MUCH LESS ITCHY TODAY. ITS THE FIRST MORNING HE DIDNT WAKE UP SCRATCHING AND I WOKE UP BEFORE HE DID. I GAVE HIM A BATH ON FRIDAY, SO I GUESS MAYBE HIS SKIN IS SETTLING DOWN. THERE ARE STILL NO SORES, JUST IRRITATION. I DONT WANT TO JINX ANYTHING AND SAY WE MAY BE OVER THE WORST OF IT WITH NO INFECTION, SO I WON'T SAY IT:)

THANKS AGAIN FOR HANDLING ALL OF THIS,

TAKE CARE
WIFE

My DB coach has instructed me to print the emails she sends me and keep them.

I have noticed a subtle shift in the tone of her letters, she is starting to put in a little more personal info, i.e. info about the dog. For those of you who have lived through a long distance sep, is it normal to see a little more personality and warmth develop and seep through on the part of the WAS? Just curious, my coach said to be discerning of subtle changes.

Thanks for your time all

[OmegaZed]

Gunny,

Sorry to hear about how things are going. It's natural to feel emotionally all over the place especially as you're getting closer and closer to the endgame of this portion of the situation. Just keep doing what you have to and like 25 said, stay busy.

You'll have constant support here and we're all here for you as well.

[MrBond]

"is it normal to see a little more personality and warmth develop and seep through on the part of the WAS?"

Yes it happens. Don't confuse being friendly with genuine warmth. The way you find out if it's really warmth is by saying something you know she's going to disagree with. If she starts turning green and hulking out, then you know she was only being nice because she wanted something from you.

However, if she is humble about your request and talks to you with respect, then it's warmth.

[Telemark]

Gunny,

Checking in...that was some poem you posted above. Sad and sobering.

I hope you don't hang your hat on any "warmth" you might want to perceive from your W, because from what I've experienced in the last 3 months, "warmth" from the WAW is not what we would like it to be. They are relived, maybe even happy about their new "freedom" and do not feel the need to be so guarded or defensive around us, so they relax.

Don't want to be the voice of doom and gloom, Gunny...just sharing a little of what I have been through recently.

[gunny]

Mr. Bond,
Thank you for the tip, and for posting. Since she is living in another state, would be difficult to see if she is turning, but I should be able to tell by the inflection in her voice. Thanks again,I hope you are having a good day!