NLW and Ic4, thanks so much for your kind words and support... don't know what I'd do sometimes without my DB friends.
Yesterday was nuts. I was telling a friend about H's latest antics, and she said she thought I should avoid talking to him as much as possible. I agree. Unfortunately, H does not. I tried to get off the phone with him yesterday, and he wasn't having it.
First off, and I hope 25 might chime in here, he made a IM comment about me 'offering' him to spend time with D. I have no problem with him getting her, all he has to do is ask. I have been advised however, not to 'offer'. So I ignored the comment.
Later H called as I was out running an errand. I tried to end the call politely and he asked why I was always trying to get off the phone. Told him I'm not feeling well (the truth) and I just didn't want to talk. So he starts in on me anyway, saying he has checked the phone records again and wants to know who I've been texting during the wee hours.
Its a friend (and you know who you are) that has been a great source of support for me. I've told H about him in the past, and how I know him. Apparently, he was bent out of shape by the frequency of the contact. I will not defend myself against a completely platonic friendship with someone who has been there for me. He also asked why I didn't respond to his earlier IMs.
I have to say, I did not respond in a DB manner. And I don't care. Maybe that is detachment finally kicking in, but I am over how he is treating me right now. I can honestly say I don't want him back the way he is. He still completely refuses to see his role in this, and actually told me 'I made him do it'. He thinks that's taking responsibility for his actions.
He says I'm not doing everything I can to save our marriage. I laughed at that- if he only knew. I asked him what it would look like if I was doing everything I could and he said he didn't know. I asked him how I was supposed to know what to do if HE didn't even know??
In the end, I told him I would love to work on our marriage, but it would take a commitment from both of us, not just me. And for now, I am working on ME for ME, not him. He told me previously he wanted me to move on, I reminded him of that and why was he upset I was actually moving on?? That left him speechless.
Sorry if this is a rant, I'm still really irritated by the convo. I'm tired of everything that went wrong being my fault, tired of getting verbally blasted at every turn, tired of being worried, sad and lonely. Rant over.
I am going to have to trust God on this one, and trust He has something better in mind for me. I told my friend that I while I still feel my R with H is not over, I can't imagine God would put me back in such a lousy situation. I have to be patient, I suppose. I'm trying!!
