Stop asking her to do things that are relationship centered. She thinks you're doing it to get something out of her. Right now you and her are on two different levels of understanding.
Right now she's in the fog which is why she's blaming you for so much. She hasn't taken any responsibility for her actions and is in the blame phase right now. You can get out of it by avoiding her.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I have some fairly important paperwork that arrived in the post today, to do with her car. My temptation was to tell her I had it, but should I just take it round to her mother's house and leave it there without making contact?
Does that imply that this is a recognised part of the sequence and that the clouds will clear? She has never been good at taking the blame for anything since I have known her. I have never yet heard her make a sincere apology to me nor anyone else, so I took it as perfectly normal (for her).
Sent her a text message to tell her I had the post. Got a response that she would pick it up Saturday (when I am out at work) so looks like she has no intention of seeing me this week. Did have one kiss at the end, so there's a mixed message. Feeling very hurt that she doesn't want to see me. I have not responded to her TM.
I suppose I know the answer to this, but can I invite her over to see me?
Scratching around for positives to save me going completely mad now....
Maybe she is testing me to see if I will break silence?
She is having her mother to stay at the weekend. That suggests that she is lonely and maybe she wants to talk her mother round to the idea of wanting to come home?
Maybe she is going dark on me because I have not chased her? So it is a battle to see who cracks first? I just know that it is hurting so much not seeing her. I rang her answering machine yesterday just to hear her voice. I am trying hard to detach and some days are fine. Then others, I just feel that I am wasting my time and she is content as things are.
Ajay... c'mon man, pull yourself together! No, you cannot invite her over - do you really think she'll say yes? And if she did it would be out of pity, not care or desire... you don't want that.
And no... she is not going dark because you are not chasing her... in fact she hasn't "gone dark". Going dark is our term... it's our term for putting our lives outside the scope of our WAS. To create mystery and wonder about what's going on. About maybe there's something the WAS is missing out on. She isn't "going dark", she's living her life.
You have to live your life, and you have to do it without her. What are things you've always wanted to do but haven't been able to? What goals do you have that being with your W have prevented you from reaching?
Two examples from my life... should W and I split I have always wanted to go to law school. This doesn't mean I will, but it's on my radar screen and I will begin doing research to see if I can find a part-time, distance learning type law school. The other is I've always wanted to run for public office. Yes, I've already run for school board (but running unopposed for an office no one wants doesn't really count :)). So another goal would be to get more involved with our local party apparatus so that I can get to know people and work on positioning myself as a candidate some day.
In fact, I may just do #2 sooner rather than later and not wait for a D or no D.
You are not wasting your time however. You still want your M and are willing to work for it. This work though involves YOU, not her. You will grow and change. It may be enough it may not. But that is not a waste.
The last thing is if you need any consolation, know that she is thinking of you. How can she not be? But that doesn't mean she wants an R, wants to see you, or wants to be with you. She's hurting too... leave her be and live your life.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
I wouldn't begin to parse a text message for grammatical accuracy... this is why trying to do something as complex relationship discussions through text messages is just not a good idea. My advice? If she starts that again simply text back that you're not willing to have these sorts of "talks" over text message. She can call or not, but text message is not a valid medium for this level of communication.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Fair comment. That was my fault though because I asked her if she wanted to do the questionaire. I shouldn't have I realise that and it may be why she has backed off.
