Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[keep_going]

Thank you all so much for all the advice in how to deal with H's divorce convo.

I really appreciate it. As of today, he has not said anything to me except "I want to talk to you about D. I don't want to file on you, I want us to work together. So we need to sit down and talk about it."

That was last Friday. I listened intently and told him I understood what he wanted. He wanted me to agree and I simply didn't offer any more info. He insisted and I said, I wanted to assimilate what he had just told me. That's it.

He has not insisted or filed. Like I said - we had a great day yesterday and today he is MIA.

But he will be here tomorrow to see the kids and I am mentally ready to keep the road home well paved. I am happy of how the weekend went, and want to keep it going.

I was asked if I was in counseling - I am seeing an anger management therapist and I just bought three more sessions with my DB coach. Even though I should not be spending the $, as of now, everyone has lost faith on this M - family, friends and I have no support with my desire to still save it, except for this board, so I really needed to speak to my coach. She is great and everytime I talk to her, I feel renewed strength and re-assurance that I am doing what is right and truly following my heart.

I messed up terribly. I own my faults and all the hurt I inflicted on H. I understand why he is so terribly angry and wants nothing to do with our old M. Like 25 says, now my actions need to show him that there is a future for us in a new R. These 11 months have had many ups and downs and backslides, but I know in my heart I have been trying hard and I am remaining hopeful and patient.

I agree that this is the worst timing possible for this separation to happen and an OW to be in the picture, but this is the hand I was given and I see it as an opportunity to become a better wife and mother. If this had not happened, maybe I would have never realized the hurt I was inflicting on H, and I would have continued on a path that was getting me and us nowhere fast.

I just hope it's not too late for H. I don't know what the rush is for him to divorce. Our financial sitch is already a mess and a D will not change that. He is with OW as well. The only thing I can think of is that he wants to D to eliminate his guilt. Both our families are Catholic and he cares about his family's opinion (specially his mom, who still doesn't know about OW's existance).

So all I can think of is that he wants to D so he can date openly w/o any guilt. But who knows... I cannot worry about that - I am focusing on my changes and efforts at this point. He can do whatever he feels he needs to do and I won't fight or beg. Just validate and kill him with kindness.

I am finally starting to feel like I am slowly improving my emotional state of mind. I was not that depressed today after the couple of hurtful things he did to me yesterday. Before, I would have obsessed about it and cried all day. I did think about it, but had a slight sense of acceptance that he is simply not the same man I married and felt some compassion for him, not really that much anger anymore.

I hope this is what people mean by detachment... I really really need to get there. It's been almost a year now...

Had a good day with the kids. Routine - pre-school, grocery store, swim lesson for the girls, dinner, bathtime and bedtime routine.

They are finally down and I am ready to work on my readings. This board and a couple of new books I bought on emotional abuse. I already started one and it's tough. I have read things that describe me and I have cried - I have made A LOT of mistakes. But I am learning and these teachings are becoming powerful reminders for me of where I will never go again.

Continuing my DBing..

Thanks again for all the support!