Like I said, I have emailed with H SM a bit today. It started chatty and upbeat, kind of generic, and then I mentioned I was happy she reached out to me because I didn't know where I fit in with H's family now that we are going to get a D...and she had no idea that he had filed for D. She was shocked.
I told her I thought that they had knew, and she went on this tirade about how H has issues and he's 30 and it's time to act like an adult, and he's always run from his problems, etc. And I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. However it made me realize some things.
#1- The reason why H doesn't like SM is because she can see him for what he truly is, and he doesn't like that
And most importantly
#2-Why in the h*ll do I want him back? Seriously, it took me reading her email to finally wake up and realize I don't want him back. He has abandoned me, abandoned my kids, and hasn't done anything to better himself. When we first split, he said he was going to start counseling for himself and work on being more independent-which hasn't happened. Not only that, he didn't have the decency to tell me he filed for D, he hasn't helped or offered to pay for half of ANY bills since he left. I have kept him on my health insurance, paid his cell phone bill for 9 months, and made excuses as to why I thought I deserved this treatment.
Guess what? I don't.
I made my share of mistakes, I won't deny that and I never have. However, I don't deserve the way he has treated myself and our family, and I refuse to hang my head in shame any longer. I deserve so much more out of a partner, and he isn't it.
