....I do realize the lack of sex is not the issue, but the result.
The headaches, tiredness is all a bad excuse. That's all they are excuses. I am tired after work, but I still do the dishes, etc.....If she was soooo tired after work...she would go to bed. Does she? No...she'll sit up and watch tv till 11pm.
I am here because I want to fix this versus divorce, have an affair/hire a hooker, or jerk off and quit bitching.
As for the passive aggressive stuff....at this point...NOTHING is working.
....She asks me for something...2 or three times a day. Can you open this, Let's all go to Walmart......I do all this stuff like a good little husband and when I try anything sexual, I get shot down immediately. Really? SO what is the point of trying at the moment?
...She could come home to a clean house, kids asleep, dinner on the table, I could rub her feet, give her a 6 hour massage and she'd still tell me to sleep on the couch.
....She has clearly indicated she does not want #1 an equal partner #2 any asssemblance of a husband
She has clearly stated that she #1 has no desire want or need for intimacy or sex(at least not with me) #2 Has no caring or feeling for me whatsoever.
In all honesty....If we had NO kids I would have divorced her long ago! I was married and divorced once before. 1st wife cheated on me and married the guy. Having to live without my first kid and the pain it caused IS the primo factor in trying to save marriage #2. I have 2 kids with wife 2.
I am not happy, angry, and resentful. I do not want to live like this. I am glad I can vent here because it falls on deaf ears elsewhere.
Now that your vent is over, let's look at the words as words have meaning.
You understand that this is not about sex. Good.
You know that you are angry and resentfull. Fine. By the way as your wife for a number of years, she also knows that from what you say, how you say it and your body language.
Yes, life is not fair. Take a number.
Why do you think she is asking you for things? Is it because she needs you to do them, or could it be her way of trying to make contact with you in as disfunctional way as it may be?
Are you sure she has no desire or need for intimacy or feeling for you? I felt that was what my wife was saying. What I learned was that she felt embarrised and like a sexual failure and that the problems were really with her and not about me. Are you absolutely sure he doesn't care about you?
Maybe she needs to heal before she can reach out to you in a way that you want her to reach out to you.
You might try to work on GAL and forgiving her. Rather than looking at her for what you want/need, focus on meeting your needs (not your carnal wants, but your needs) and the needs of your children.
Just a thought.
Good luck to you.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
