If you don't intend to use evidence against her, then for you own well-being....I think you need to stop snooping. It's obvious you can't handle what it's doing to you. Besides, once you find out that there is/has been an A, then you know what you're up against and to continue to snoop is too much torture. Based on what many LBH's have said, it seems to become some type of monster that eats them alive.
Putting the stitch aside, do you have obsessive compulsive disorder? If you do, then my next question is have you had therapy for it? Constantly having this situation in your thoughts is understandable, but when it consumes your entire "being" and you cannot rest your brain for short periods at a time....then I personally think you need to have individual therapy. I'm not trying to play doctor, but I am concerned about how this is affecting you. Go to your doctor and at least tell him what you're going through and see what questions he may have and what recommendations he gives. You have to take care of Jake before you do anything else.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
