"Going Dark" - 101

[witz10]

Last night after reading a little, I decided to write down the differences between when I lived in California and here. I did so much more when I worked from home in California compared to when we moved back here. I was taking care of more of the home duties since I worked from home. Like cooking, cleaning, shopping etc. Going out more being more active. Here I let my wife do all the cooking and figuring out what we need from the store etc. In other words my list from California is longer then the one from when we moved back here. And what is the difference between the two. I work for my family and am around them all day. Compared to California where I would only talk to them on the phone. The old adage family is only a long plane trip away comes in mind. From looking at this list I need to find other work and get out from my family. Its gotten so bad that I hate working here and I have said I hate them. This is not a good family dynamic.
All my friends say I should be writing this all down, even my therapist, and putting it in a book. A lot of them don't know how I have been this patient and not moved on. Only answer is I love my wife and am willing to fight for my marriage. Whether there is an affair or she is going through a form of MLC. I love her and want to live my life with her.
If it comes down to a D then so be it. I will look her straight in the eye tell her I will always love her she is the mother of my children and was the love of my life. Also she will never find anyone that would have cared for her and loved her as much as I did. These past three or four years was not me was not the man she married. I am becoming that man again and if she misses out on it her loss.