Another crisis.....but H opening up now

[angel61]

In one of the other MLC sites I joined, a poster told me that he did Retrouvaille too but his W was in Replay, and so ulitmstely they separated.

This is what I mean when I say that my H is also in a way, not ready yet. I think he is at the tail end of replay, he knows he will be ready one of these days, and he does see it now, and Retrouvaille helped him see it a little clearer -the path to loving me again, this time, as a decision.

He knows he is staying. OW is no longer a big issue, she is leaving the end of this month for her home country, which is 30 hrs away by plane, the farthest possible place to be from here! Good thing.....and I do see H struggling but he is coping..... no signs of depression, only a far away look evry now and then. I think he is no longer in contact with her, or if ever, it is minimal.

His struggles are now internal, but he still is not fully there. I am trying to understand, and this is where DB principles (not pursuing, patience, detachment) which have worked so far, and my wanting to follow the program, sort of diverge.


So I compromised:

I looked at the topics and felt that we could do two of them: the conflict management and the family of origin. I asked H if we could at least do those two for this cycle, as I do understand that we are not ready for the deeper topics, and we will do those in the next cycle.

He agreed with me.... and I won't push for more. I think I will be happy with whatever I can get right now.

So anyways, I did see a big difference in him when he got home this weekend. he has been happy, and patient, and communicative. He is making an big effort, and I really appreciate it.

Thanks again, I am glad I can share. Let me know what you think about what I did!

Angel