She knows your son will tell you, thats why she told him. Its still clssic spinning. If she lies to you, she can lie to her kids too. She probably lies to herelf as well and believes it.
By the way, I love the way kml dissected your W's words.
About the words they all use, its amazing. My H is not a reader, but he did use the same words: too little, too late when I said I could change; he used "false hopes" was used a lot, "feeling stuck", wanting to "run away", "its not you, its me", me being "controlling" in everything I do, "I need space", etc.etc.et.
That is why when I found this site, it gave me hope. I realized that its not only me with the problem, but many of us. I felt that there would be an end to it if I were patient enough. I read what the people who succeeded in saving their M's did and tried my darnednest best to follow them. Hearts Blessing, 25, Sandi, Sad but Happy - to name a few.
And really, it boiled down to three main things: The basics....
Detachment Patience Loving yourself.
Deatchment is hardest, but it is the most important. It is THE life saving skill all of us have to learn and keep on applying. It makes you not answer back when they are spewing. It makes you able to walk away from the phone convos, the provocations, the fights. It makes you able to love from a distance. It enables one to deal with the small realities, the necessary logistics like child care, like discussions finances, without it turning into mudlisnging sessions. It also keeps you from getting sucked back in.
Tad, you are slowly learning, keep working on it. YOu still have a long ways to go.
Take care Tad!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
