Update - maybe, just maybe this DB'ing works. I am seeing what I perceive to be small positive gains:
- when my W became a WAW this March she was saying we were done and there was nothing I could do about it. Then she pulled back somewhat over time saying she needs to fully come to terms with her entire life and personal choices on a global basis and our marriage is in that mix (I think this is a MLC). She had strongly suggested she needed to move out but now there is no talk of that. She hasn't moved back into our bedroom but she does now talk freely about family plans, and things her and I will do together. She is not saying our M is back on track but at least is not averse to being with me which she was when this all started. She has re-engaged herself in being part of home projects which shows she is still part of it. For the first time since this all began she asked me to share something socially and I take that as a good sign. For the first time since this all began she actually gave me a hug goodnight.
- she is stating emphatically that what I and many others perceived to be an EA and possible PA is really only a deep friendship and given her current quest to resolve her entire life issues, needs these talks with him to help her through it. She fully acknowledges that her actions definitely could have been perceived as an affair but swears this has not been the case.
- I have been focusing on myself while in this, looking at how I can be a better communicator and conflict resolver which I believe are the areas I could improve in our M. Our talks have become much more peaceful, and we get so much more results out of our discussions.
- our family events have become much less stressful. When all of this began she had basically removed herself from me and our sons. Our sons had great difficulty even being around her since this began but as she has engaged back into our daily lives, so have the kids.
Like everyone in my situation I would love to hear her tell me she is working to reconcile, and move back into our room. I am trying to be careful not to go overboard when I see positive signs like I think I have been seeing. I am trying to not let anxiety and worry take over. For example, I often worry that the signs I am reading as positive are in fact only that she is getting comfortable in a separate life from me and it is easier for her to be around me because she doesn't really care anymore. I would love the reassurance but I guess that's not how this works.
So, I keep moving forward with my own life, and keep open to whatever she wants to share with me (and it seems to be more and more). I find this all so draining, me wanting to reconcile and move on with our M at MY PACE! She is the love of my life and it is so f'ing hard to let this all go at her pace. I have always been physically and vocally affectionate with her so to hold that back 24/7 is brutal. How does one put their heart and soul on hold for so long? I am told that our situation has not really gone on that long (since March 2011) as far as these things go, so maybe I should accept that this can take much longer.
It is so hard to live with her as only a roommate when I want to love her outwardly as well as inwardly.
Have any of you been at the stage I am at? Did you start to see small signs of improvement? How long did it take to reconcile and move on to a better M?
I would love some feedback for all of you!!! Thanks.
