I don't plan to text her again and I will just wait until she does. I've noticed that she hasn't been posting mushy things with her new boyfriend so much in the last week. Perhaps the new is starting to wear off. I'm actually starting to feel like I have some control over the situation and that I will be ok even if she never comes back. I think that spending time with our dogs really got her to thinking yesterday. Sandi2, I will not have sex with her until I'm sure we are on a path to dating again. Thanks for the heads up. Without me realizing it (until reading your post), this happened to me before. Right before she told me we couldn't work on it anymore (she'd been hinting at it already) we went on a rafting trip. She said later she went on the trip to see if anything was still there between us. She initiated sex that night and of course I obliged. It was the first time we'd had sex in months. A few days later she told me that she didn't feel anything and that we were over. I'll not fall into that trap again! I really sense that she left yesterday wanting more and I guess that's the feeling I need her to have. I saw where her mom was posting on her FB wall that she wishes my ex could be with our dogs again. Her mom is going to be a big impediment to getting back together b/c I feel she will advise against it. I did get the sense that my ex was really happy spending a few minutes with me. The look in her eyes just told me that she missed being with me. She was really interested in changes I've made to our house and what my future plans with the house were. Also, when she left walked to her car and then turned around and walked back and said that we should quit being silly and she came and gave me a hug.
Another thing she did that I thought was strange....I mentioned that I'd be going to church in a few weeks for my nephew's baptism. She said that she guessed she'd have to miss that. I just moved the conversation along at the time and didn't say she could come or anything like that. Just changed the subject kind of. Anyway, I don't think it's a good idea for her to come anyway if we aren't dating or a "family". She can just know she's missing it.
Lol, while I'm writing this she's texted me again this morning saying it was ok I fell asleep while texting with her last night. I think I'll give it a while before I respond, or should I respond at all?
YOU GUYS ARE THE GREATEST! THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ADVICE EVERYONE!
I sent a post to Ajay, who shares cats with his WAW. You share dogs. It doesn't take much to confuse me, fellows, and I may have sent a post to him thinking it was you....or visa versa. But, you know the funny (sad funny)thing about this? It's that the same thing I said to him, can be said to you also. I don't mean that these aren't individual cases, but rather....they're very much alike, especially the WAW's. The cats are his WAW's link, and the dogs are your WAW's link. They use the pets as their built-in excuse to contact.
Anyway, as I was telling Ajay, or maybe it was you..... be prepared to see her show up any time and try to initiate sex. She could be crying or laughing, whatever she thinks will do the trick. Oh heck, why don't I just copy what I told him!
Quote:
I promise that she will increase the pursuing. Like I said, just be prepared when she throws herself at you. You will have to pretend you are being strong and level headed when that happens. You don't want to bruise her ego too much. So, be thinking what you'll say. I just have a gut feeling it won't be long now.
This is where guys mess up so many times. But since I've warned you......that's not gonna happen with you, right? When she's coming on to you .....crying.....laughing.....teasing.....whatever, you can politely remove her arms (or whatever body parts she has wrapped around you) and tell her that you think it's best not to carry things any farther.
You see, she needs to really work at getting you back (instead of the other way around) or she'll never stay. She has to keep on working to convince you she's serious and really, REALLY wants to be M to you. Believe me, if she can have you in one little "attempt".....then that'll be waaaaay too easy and she'll quickly (like 24 hrs quickly) lose her attraction for you, again. Just like in high school sweetie, you've got to play hard to get!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks for the heads up. Part of me can see this happening and another part isn't so sure. however, thanks to you guys, I'll be ready. It seems like she's going through a serious thinking phase at the moment. I'd imagine trying to talk herself out of trying to come back perhaps. I'm just going to hold strong and wait on her to contact me. Geez it's hard though!
Maybe I'm spending way too much time reading into these things, but it seems like today she's making an effort to pull back. Of course, you guys said this would be coming. It's hard though because I felt like maybe we had a breakthrough this weekend. I know, I know, marathon right? To me, it almost feels like she's trying to convince herself that the OM is the one for her. It's hard to explain, but I just know her and I know that she is probably scared to death of getting back with me b/c of my drinking in the past. I also feel certain she doesn't feel she can trust me. I don't get the sense really that she's head over heels for the OM but at the moment, he probably seems like a better choice. I'm hoping that she will eventually come around but I guess I realize it's going to take time time time. Well, that's one thing I've got b/c I'm in it for the long haul.
Unfortunately, no, you really don't. You may have known the previous W, the one you married, but you don't know this one. This one is a whole new incarnation and creature. She looks like your W and talks like her, but inside she's someone else. Whatever the reason is for that is different, but trust me that you don't know her.
It took me about six weeks to realize that my W is not the person I knew. I'd had the feeling for months but ignored it. Then after dropping the bomb the need for "keeping up appearances" went away and she changed in front of my eyes into what she is currently.
I can't predict my W anymore or hope to know what she's thinking. This is what makes trying to read into their actions so dubious and frustrating. It's like reading a book that was translated from another language, only the translator wasn't very good an English.
There are moments when old W appears. A few more now then when this started. But put away the old paradigm... it's gone. You are in a whole new ballgame now.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
It's hard though because I felt like maybe we had a breakthrough this weekend.
What part did you think was a breakthrough?
Well, I guess I thought it was maybe a breakthrough because she was actually talking to me. It had been weeks since she initiated contact. Also, when she was at the house, I just felt like she was happy to be there and missed being around. Now that Monday has rolled around I don't feel as good about it anymore. She posted on FB late last night that she couldn't sleep b/c her brain wouldn't quit working. I took that to mean that maybe she was having some second thoughts about leaving. She's back to posting lovey dovey with the OM again now so I guess I'm just being a bit whiny and expected too much too soon.
workinghardguy -- maybe you're right. I don't really know her or what she's feeling or thinking. I keep trying to figure it out and generally I'm wrong with whatever it is I think I've figured out. I'll try to keep that in mind. Thanks
Ok guys, I have a question and it would be great to get some input on it. I just found out yesterday afternoon that I've got to go out of town for work on Friday. I'll have to leave the house at about 5:00 AM and won't be back until about 7:30 PM or 8:00 PM. This leaves me without anyone to let my dogs out during the day. I could ask my parents to do it, but they aren't very comfortable with my dogs and one of them is a guard dog and could possibly bite or attack if a semi-unknown person comes in the door. That leaves my ex wife. She works near my house and gets off around noon on Fridays I think. Should I ask her to come let my dogs out for me at some point during the day? I'm afraid to ask for a couple of reasons:
1. She could say no (I think she would do it if at all possible though)
2. She could be going out of town to see OM and won't be able to do it and I don't really want to hear about that.
3. Selfish reason alert: If she sees them on Friday, it might make her not want to see them again for a while, and I'd miss out on seeing her as well.
Any thoughts? Ive purchased some coaching sessions over the telephone but it will be Thursday at the earliest before I can have the first session. I'd like to give her as much notice as possible so as to interrupt her day as little as possible. Thank you all so much in advance for the advice!
Ok, well for those of you keeping up, I got the birthday card in the mail today. I'm not sure when i should send it. her birthday is the 29th so I guess wait a while. Still haven't heard from her since Sunday. I know it's only been a few days but I was really hoping she'd want to start talking to me regularly again.
be prepared to see her show up any time and try to initiate sex. She could be crying or laughing, whatever she thinks will do the trick. Oh heck, why don't I just copy what I told him!
