I haven't read all of your post but i do understand what you are going through. I have 4 kids. All living at home. I felt unsecure and responsabile for their security. I have waken up in SHOCKS, everynight for a LONG time. Like you, i didn't want to had to the problem by getting addicted to meds so i would do 2 nights without and 1 night with. It as been a little over 2 years now and i take meds, on average once every 2 weeks. My IC had told me NOT TO STAY in bed if i didn't fall back asleep within 15 to 20 minutes. I had to reprogram my subconcient that my bed was a place of REST. I would get up and read or listen to relaxing music until my nerves calmed down and go back to bed. I didn't have nightmares. Thank god! Do you think that you interpreted assault with the way you feel? You are exausted inside and out, you feel beat-up? Our subconcient mind has to be analized and we need to change our tought process, in some area, after going trought a crisis or a radical change. I hope it gets better SOON for you.
