Youngster Questions Reality, WAW Moves On...

[2thepoint]

Still, I guess that I resent the theme that my W presented over and over again during our R: that I was the problem, that I was the one who needed to change to make things better, that everything would be great if only I changed. (And I definitely feel that an A was not the appropriate response to our problems.)

I get the resentment but someone has to take the lead and if not your W, then why not you? During Sundays church service, the pastor said something that I wrote down and I think it applies to you current mindset.

"If you don't take the first step, you cannot take the second step."

If you can't get past the fact that your W won't make the first move, then you should. And once you have taken that first step, it becomes easier to take the second step. And once you take the second step, perhaps it becomes easier for your W to take her first step. See how that works?

*shrugs* I guess this is a thorny issue for me. I'm still very resentful of how she handled things. But it's good to keep mindful of my part in our downfall.

Yes, you must remain mindful of "your role" in the downfall of your relationship. And once you take full ownership of "your part" and truly begin to address "your behavior" and then make it a permanent part of who you are, perhaps your W will be willing to make the changes she needs to make.

I'm not trying to be judgmental here, but the porn addiction really needs to be addressed. You have said that when you stop, things seem to improve. But, you stopped before then picked up the habit again. So who's to say that that won't happen again. And, isn't it possible that your W sees this as a major problem and doesn't trust that it wont resurface again, and again, and again? And since the lack of passion is a major problem as your W sees it, don't you see how the porn addiction gets in the way? See, this is something that I think you really should focus on.

Have you considered counseling? Seriously, you may have more of an addiction than you realize and counseling will help you understand why this addiction plays such a role in your life and can help you manage it.

I'm wishing you all the best.