Thanks NLW & JB for your encouragement and support. Unfortunately, I got sucked into the texting/arguing back and forth for a little while today, but I finally shut it down. I told the kids that he is staying a few days at the other house to work. They all took it well; they are used to this by now. They are my number 1 concern; as long as they are happy and upbeat (which they are), I'm okay.
One of the kidshave a birthday next week, and we have plans to go out of town, so please pray things simmer down before then.
I agree with both of you about smoothing things over and letting it go. I just pray that I get that chance.
Ic4, so sorry for the backslide...I agree with the other posters, you can't beat yourself up over it. Its going to happen.
I just had a thought on your seeing the OW. I can't imagine how I would feel in your shoes, but maybe put a different spin on it for yourself. He was with YOU, not her. In my eyes, you were in the catbird seat..
Thanks, ROMB. Truly, the support I receive here is so very appreciated. While I'm very grateful for my family members and friends who have supported me through this journey, it's so comforting to have friends on this board who know exactly what I'm going through and how tough it can be.
I've done so much soul searching this weekend about how I handled the encounter in the wrong way. Even if I didn't accuse him of still being with her or gripe at him about his affair, I was still taking it out on him. True forgiveness isn't about forgetting; no one whose suffered through infidelity will ever forget it (sure wish we could!). Rather, it's about wiping the slate clean and never holding that over their head or bringing it up again. It's a toxic topic and therefore needs to be left in the past.
H spent another night at the other house, but I feel him softening and hope he will return home soon. Again, many thanks for the support. It does help!
My H and I just had a convo about forgiveness... he keeps saying he has such anger and resentment over things in our past. In fact, he brings up things that happened over 4 years ago, despite my having apologized, him telling me he forgave me, etc. I told him I don't think he has really forgiven me, and for the first time he agreed.
He even said if he had truly forgiven me, he wouldn't keep bringing it up.
It took me a long time and a lot of prayer to forgive my H for the things he has done to me, but it is such a weight off of my soul to have done so. I pray everyday for God to help him unload this burden. I'll add you to that prayer list.
My husband ended up coming home for dinner; the kids and I were thrilled. Things are a bit cool between us; I've reached out a few times in conversation and with physical touch, and while he hasn't ignored me, he certainly didn't respond in kind. I understand he's still a little bitter, but I have great hope that he'll ease up over the next few days. He appears to be staying the night (he's currently watching tv in another room, and it's midnight here, so I don't expect him to be going anywhere).
I've certainly learned my lesson that in order to move forward with our marriage, ow must remain in the past at all times...forever. I have done very well in practicing forgiveness but was simply caught off guard when my family and I saw her. I allowed negative feelings to overwhelm me. I have regained my strength and grace, and I plan to work hard to avoid any additional backsliding.
I have caught up on all your sitches here and there over the weekend and have some responding and hugging to do. Thanks again for all of your support and advice!
That's great to hear! Glad he's coming around...my H takes a few days to cool off, too, and that's been a challenge for me to not push the situation when something happens because I'm impatient.
I think your reaction was understandable. I imagine those situations will get easier as time goes by as well. And I think you handled the aftermath with class!
Oh dear, lc. You can't beat yourself up for a little slip. I mean my goodness, the woman had an A with your H. What on earth does he expect you to do? Reach out and give her a big old hug!
Of course you are going to have a reaction. Granted, you could have handled it better and perhaps simply expressed that seeing her stirred up some old feelings of hurt and that you needed a hug. I mean I would hope he understands that healing from an A is a process, and just because it still hurts, that doesn't mean you will throw it in his face every time you see her. It's obvious that by seeing her you are going to be reminded of the A and I don't think it would be unfair of you or unforgiving, if you came up with a plan on how to handle contact with her. Okay, losing it on him and getting angry was not the best decision but you will do better in the future. You are not perfect, but neither is he and I'm sure once he cools down, all will be well. Hang in there, lc. You are still doing really well.
From the lady who still gets a little upset over her H's A from time to time.
Wow, E...so good to hear from you! Thanks for checking in on me! I've thought of you often, hoping that "no news is good news," so I'm glad to read that things are continuing to go well.
Thankfully, when I did see ow , this time she wasn't "driving" a grocery cart to run me over with. As you know from keeping up with my sitch, she is quite the belligerent one, and considering she was knocking back several beers where we saw her, I was fearful she might make a scene in front of my family. Unfortunately, I was the only one to make the scene after we got home...not really...it was far from a scene, but I did let a lot of fear and hurt get the best of my mouth. Anyway, I think we are getting back on track and will put this behind us as a small bump in a very long road.
Speaking of ow , I hope the one you had to deal with has finally learned her lesson and is off the radar. I also hope and pray that your daughter and son are doing better and that your daughter has worked through some of her anger against your husband.
Feel free to hijack my thread if you aren't starting another thread. Either way, I'm just glad you stopped by with your support. Big hugs to you, lc4
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