Volume III

[workinghardguy]

I read last week that over 2/3 of the divorces filed are by women.

I think much of that has to do with the psychological difference between the two genders. Men, for the most part, tend to only leave a marriage when they have somewhere to go to (i.e. another woman). Women on the other hand can feel incredibly alone even within a marriage, and once they get to that point then they may leave. The leaving is because they already see themselves as entirely alone, so why not actually be alone?

At least that's the insight I took from "How to Save Your Marriage Without Talking About It". It's also the insight that got me to start seeing my W as having already left our M, rather than contemplating it.

[gunny]

Telmark,
Good morning my friend. Boy, do I wish our generation would have more in common with the greatest generation. Since I deal with this generation on a daily basis (I am a veterans service officer here in jersey), I am very familiar with their values and their outlook on life. Their attitude about life was and is, they were young, they were called on by their country to do a job,(win WWII), they put their lives on hold, when they finished the job, they came home, rolled up their sleeves, and got to work making this the greatest country in the world. They didnt ask for anything in return, just the chance to work hard.


They are very reluctant to ask for help, i.e. in health care, etc, their outlook on life was, they did their job, nothing more, nothing less.

Hope you are doing well today my friend

[2thepoint]

I think a lot has to do with what is portrayed in popular culture these days. I mean, lets take one example - J LO married Marc Antony and their marriage and subsequent birth of twins was splashed all over the front pages of every tabloid. As if it was some miracle to behold. Then we learn recently that they have split up after just a few years. Now, weeks later she is already dating some actor, Bradley Whatshisname.

Here is a woman who has it all! Great life, great wealth, great family, etc. and mere weeks after she split with her husband, she is ready to move on.... with another man no less! I mean, how is that possible? How can any human being discard their marriage so casually?

This is probably going to sound sexist but I do believe that many women get caught up in this fantasy that marriages are like last seasons fashion must-haves that can be thrown out and replaced with this seasons latest fashions. It is really quite sad.

[paige40]

Good Morning Telemark. How are you doing my friend? Got any of that coffee to share with me???

I have nothing much to add about those darn women filing for D!! I am one of them but only doing it because I need some child support. I would give my eyeteeth to save my marriage...

Feeling down today better get some of that coffee in me fast.

[Telemark]

Good Morning Telemark. How are you doing my friend? Got any of that coffee to share with me???

If I was within driving distance I'd be on my way with 2 big mugs...

W just e-mailed me about getting her mail and "her" Christmas decorations. I replied we could sort that out Friday afternoon after our meeting with the divorce mediator. She wrote back: "That would be nice...dinner?"

I know I'm already going to be a basket case about seeing her and meeting with the mediator, so as much as I wanted to consider dinner, I replied: "No thanks."

That was hard to do.

[2thepoint]

She wrote back: "That would be nice...dinner?"

I know I'm already going to be a basket case about seeing her and meeting with the mediator, so as much as I wanted to consider dinner, I replied: "No thanks."

Ouch! Maybe you could have said something like, "No thanks, I've have other plans." It's still a stinger but it also creates mystery and doesn't come across as.... Ouch!

[paige40]

I know you would!

Look at you!! You go. I know that was hard for you but you have to think what is less painful saying no or having dinner. I agree next time tell her you have plans. Let her wonder what you are up to

[Telemark]

That did come across as harsh, didn't it?

I was surprised at her suggestion for dinner; we have had NC for a month, and my first thought when I read that was that she was trying to make nice, especially since it would be right after the meeting to bury our marriage. So yes, I was feeling some bitterness and didn't think about anything other than "no way." In hindsight, creating a little mystery never hurts. At least I didn't type my initial response which was, "Why? Is OM busy?"

Truth is, I've been wanting to have contact with her; any contact. It's still hard to accept her actions and decisions and I find myself caught in "stinking thinking"...I arrive home and half expect/wish to see her car in the driveway, my imagination runs away with thoughts of her and the OM, the fact that she has a whole new life without me is extremely painful and it still seems like some surreal nightmare that I should be able to wake from.

[~¤DG¤~]

I don't think I would be able to handle dinner either, so it's a good thing you declined. It is the lesser of 2 evils.

Now Telemark, don't let your mind wander with all sorts of scenarios that you cannot control.
You just remember this-you too the high road, which is the hardest road to take, and your W didn't.
We both know that jumping from the pot into the flame almost never ensures a happy ending.
You are doing everything you can to make you a stronger/better/funnier Telemark, and when you are ready, there is going to be a lot of women who would love to have a man like you in their lives.

So chin up, my friend.

[Telemark]

there is going to be a lot of women who would love to have a man like you in their lives.

But I want one NOW...

OK, not really.

Well, maybe just a little...

A date for New Year's would be nice...