Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[keep_going]

Rick - thanks for the post. I checked out your thread and posted a few words of encouragement - I hope they help you get thru Wednesday. I am sorry things are happening so fast for you.

imthemom - thanks for your words of encouragement. I found your thread and read it. I am hoping things turn out well for you. I don't know how your H reacted to your filing, but remember that it's not a done deal yet. If you can solve the financial issues, maybe you don't need to go thru it til the end?

mishka - thanks for the advice. I did listen to H when he came back and brought the D issue up. He said he wanted to talk to me about it because he didn't just want to file. He said he wanted us "to agree on things." As he had said before - he wants mediation.

So I listened and acknowledged. I told him I understood what he was saying and wanted. And that was it. I did not agree or disagree. (my db coach suggested that as well). He was clearly waiting for me to say more and prodded me to expand on it. He might have been looking for me to agree with him? He seemed disappointed that I didn't get into it more.

That was on Friday night. We'll see if he makes an appointment with a mediator or tries to set up a time to talk the two of us. In the meantime I will not bring it up again.

I think I had a great weekend. I am pretty satisfied with my behavior and reactions with H. Friday night I made plans to see a cousin who had a layover here returning from a trip. So i asked H if he could watch the kids from 8 - 11 cause I had plans. He agreed and came over. I looked good and didn't tell him about my plans and thanked him for helping. When I returned is when we had the R / Divorce conversation.

While I was gone, he texted me about our college basketball team's first game of the season. We are huge sports fans and have always shared that. He also fixed my internet connection with was messed up.

I thanked him - I now always thank him for anything he does - small or big, since he has complained that he felt unappreciated.

Sat PM I dropped off kids at his place. He was not there - he misunderstood and went to my place to pick them up. When he arrived I could tell he was irritated. He didn't say hello to me and went to the kitchen - Sometimes when he is upset, he does that - doesn't say hello and goes straight to say hello to the kids.

We have had arguments about this before- I would complain that he was rude or have sarcastically said hello to him. Not this time. I calmly went to the kitchen and casually said hi.

He was also very passive-agressive that night - complaining about little things.
1) Kids had not had had dinner (I dropped them off at 6 and we always eat at 6:30 and he knows that).
2) I packed dresses for the girls and didn't include leggings, so they would be cold. (It was 70 degrees today...)
3) I didn't pack the baby's bouncing chair (he had never asked for it before).

But I didn't let him get to me. I validated him and calmly explained why I had not done these things. I then said goodbye to the kids and told him I had to run cause I had plans and was running late.
(second night in a row. and I didn't tell him where I was going either)...

I went out for dinner with my best friend and we had a good time.