What's your chicken exit? What you DO when the questions are tough and you want to avoid the answers?
Some people project, others misdirect or change the subject, some people use humour and others attack... Generally, people use many different exits... but often, we have prominent exits...
When we use our chicken exits, that's where we know there are things that we need to look at.
If your M failed, you see yourself as incompetent? If you are so smart, how could you have not known your H was unhappy? Why did you M him in the first place since you should have known he would leave you?
As you mention, your fear of incompetence shows up in other places in your life, such as your work. Where else does it show up, such as personal relationships or spirituality or healthy lifestyles? Why bother doing something if you are only going to fail because... you aren't smart enough...
If your M fails, you will have an empty spot in your life? Spikes loudly on the abandonment scale... where else do you have empty spots in your life? Who has abandoned you in your past? Is it possible... that you have abandoned yourself? That you've "given up" on yourself to live a life of scarcity, because you'd rather not make room in your life because it would be empty...? That you're not worthy of having love...?
You teach for many reasons... sounds like you fulfill two prominent values you hold dear... first... your students find out that you ARE smart and competent... and second, they fill your need to feel needed... they fill those empty spots in your life...
I could be wrong, but that's how it appears to me. Imagine if others are also seeing that in you? In what way might your focus on teaching be interfering with your ability to connect to others in your personal life... your family... your H...?
