It's harder for you because you've agreed (not for bad reasons) to allow her to do all the pursuing, and she's not pursuing--I completely understand that she sounds grudging and apathetic to you when she talks about what you're supposed to do. That's not an attempt to turn someone on and get them to have sex with you.
On the other hand, if you want sex to get any better, I wouldn't turn it down unless YOU don't feel like it. Let her deal with whether she feels like it and what her reasons are for now. You decide whether you want to do it and give the answer you want to give.
It's interesting that you're reading Passionate Marriage. I posted that last comment after reading only the second page. Now that I've read the first page of your thread, I wanted to ask you about PM. Specifically, have you read the parts about people who avoid intimacy because they "don't want to want" someone? That's the first thing your wife's approach to marriage made me think of. She seems scared to need you or even want you--like it's safer to be self-contained. From your writing I can't imagine that ever working for you.
On the other hand, it's normal when you try to fix a marriage to feel like you're the only one making an effort, maybe the only one who cares at all. It's fairly normal to be TOLD that the other person doesn't care about all this, and even that it's weird that you do.
