Just out of curiosity, does anyone watch Oprah's life class on her network? That network has become one of my favorites, and her life classes are really thought provoking.
If you haven't seen them, and if you are able to, you should.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
I have seen them advertised and the topics look very good. Are they online on demand or something? They seem to be on television at times I can't watch and I'm in the 20th century.... no DVR/tivo etc...
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
So...I sent H a msg on FB last night. I'll C&P it here, and I'm sure I will receive some 2x4's for it, but it really is the last message I am going to send.
[b]I don't know what things you supposedly came to get, because everything is still here, or where the papers are you said you left. They were not on the table nor are they any place else that I've looked.
I asked you to stop the divorce, which I am sure you probably won't but I wanted to at least make it known once again, that I do not wish our marriage to end. If you choose to go through with it, at least I know that I did everything I could to try and save this. It just wasn't enough.
I won't contact you any more, and I truly wish you the best. Your things are out in the garage and I would appreciate my key back. There is still a little bit of mail here for you, it's in it's usual place in the letter rack.
Despite all the rumors, bs, and people trying to be involved, I never spoke negatively of you to anyone nor did I stop loving you. I tried the best I could to try and make things right. No matter what, I will always love you with all I am, have, and will ever be. [\b]
Yes, I know it is pursuing, and I am sure I broke some DB principles, but I really don't care. I had to make it known that after all this time apart, I still love him. I will stay true to my word about not contacting him any more, I have to. I've layed all my cards out on the table and even though he will more than likely reject what I have to say, I don't regret putting my feelings out there.
DG..NO 2x4's here. In fact, I think it was the right thing to do. That is how you feel and you wanted to give him one more opportunity before things officially end. It's not like it will push him away and casue him to divorce you faster! He may not respond, but you can know in your heart that you did everything possible.
No 2x4 from me either nothing you said is going to cause him to rush to D. Sometimes you just have to get your feelings out. Makes you feel better. You know you did everything you could to save your M. He needs to get his stuff out and give you back your key.
You have always been there for me and I hope you know I am always there for you. You are a wonderful woman and your H is the one that is losing out.
You guys make me feel so good about myself, thank you for that.
I meant everything I said to him, and while it hurts that he doesn't have the decency to respond to anything, I know in my heart that I did everything I could. That has to be enough for me.
I received an email from H's SM today. She is the only person from his family who has made an attempt to reach out to me. It was a generic email, small talk asking how the kids are doing, holiday plans, etc. I replied and kept it upbeat, telling her about the new paint/carpet and left it at that. I'm not about to say anything regarding H to her. #1 because I don't feel comfortable and #2 he doesn't like his SM anyway, and I'm adult enough to not stir the pot. (I'll admit it, very tempting though.)
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
I know exactly what you mean, my H's family have all reached out to me. It has been very hard not to just tell them about his OW. I keep telling myself it will all come out eventually and I shouldn't be the one to tell them.
DG, It is tempting to stir the pot. It is tempting to shine a HUGE spotlight on your H's sh!tty behaviors...
..however you are being the better person. I'm glad you see that the high road is the better road to take. It's harder, but you WILL look back with no regrets.
As for the FB message, there will be no 2x4 by me either. I think there is a point where we say things with expectations of a response.. and sometimes we just say them because they speak the truth.
It's hard to know the difference and it definitely takes time to shift to the 2nd one.
Keep on keeping on.
M(f): 43 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Like I said, I have emailed with H SM a bit today. It started chatty and upbeat, kind of generic, and then I mentioned I was happy she reached out to me because I didn't know where I fit in with H's family now that we are going to get a D...and she had no idea that he had filed for D. She was shocked.
I told her I thought that they had knew, and she went on this tirade about how H has issues and he's 30 and it's time to act like an adult, and he's always run from his problems, etc. And I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. However it made me realize some things.
#1- The reason why H doesn't like SM is because she can see him for what he truly is, and he doesn't like that
And most importantly
#2-Why in the h*ll do I want him back? Seriously, it took me reading her email to finally wake up and realize I don't want him back. He has abandoned me, abandoned my kids, and hasn't done anything to better himself. When we first split, he said he was going to start counseling for himself and work on being more independent-which hasn't happened. Not only that, he didn't have the decency to tell me he filed for D, he hasn't helped or offered to pay for half of ANY bills since he left. I have kept him on my health insurance, paid his cell phone bill for 9 months, and made excuses as to why I thought I deserved this treatment.
Guess what? I don't.
I made my share of mistakes, I won't deny that and I never have. However, I don't deserve the way he has treated myself and our family, and I refuse to hang my head in shame any longer. I deserve so much more out of a partner, and he isn't it.
