Well I have to say I never dreamed I would be in this position when I was in the depths of despair two years ago, and even at the time my WAW moved out and I started dating.
I also was able to see how my ex-W interacted with her affair partner, and it was very eye-opening - also made me realize what we didn't have any longer in our relationship. You are VERY lucky that the OM decided to end it - in my case the OM was single. I think that is the key to having a chance, other than going all the way with filing for D and making her move out to get her to wake up possibly (mine did actually at that point but too late).
That said, I feel like I was ready for a new relationship at least, given the amount of 'work' I did for the 2 years while my M was ending. I gained a lot of perspective about myself and what I had and wanted to contribute to a relationship, and found a partner in a similar state.
The woman I met has a lot to do with where this has ended up as well (planning to get married next year). She has also been divorced, and has a son the same age as two of my boys. She has seen divorce/re-marriage from all sides and has been a great source of strength and wisdom for me about being a single parent, how to introduce others into my kids lives, and how to handle my Ex (she seems to understand my Ex W and what she is going through). Her ex-H was re-married pretty quickly and she has gained a lot of perspective on mixed families and single parenting from that side as well. I also immediately knew she would be a great addition to my kids' lives.
She is 180 from my ex on many fronts. She is much more intelligent and able to have deep discussions on all topics including our relationship, which my Ex was never able to do. Ex was very 'surface' on most fronts I realize now.
At times I thought maybe I should just be single for a while, which would have meant losing her. I then did some soul searching and asked myself what else I would want in a partner and committed relationship if I decided to settle down in a couple of years instead, and I couldn't think of anything, and realized that she was the one and that I needed to move forward with her.
I really feel like God has put her here in front of me, and we are meeting at the right time in both of our lives - the perfect time. I feel like God has watched over me while I suffered and fought for my M, and has now brought me this gift.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
