I need advice for dealing with a WAW

[Accuray]

Samuel,

One thing to be careful of is not using your inlaws against your W. Your W views them as a "safe place", and if she feels you are trying to influence them to advocate for you, she may resent that. General DB advice is not to involve the W's family at all.

That said, as Sandi pointed out your situation is different than many, and maybe your W likes keeping that line of communication open and knowing you are "there" via the inlaws.

That's something you'll need to assess for yourself. Just be aware that it generally isn't good for the inlaws to advocate on your behalf, or for W to feel that you are campaigning for your way with them.

WRT your point on the DB coach, believe me, those sessions are often more for you and how you feel about yourself than for your relationship. They can really help you if you get to feeling down, feel this is "all your fault", etc. It sounds like you have a good support network going, but don't think you have to have active communication with the W to make the DB coach worthwhile.

My final observation is that your W seems to have a real issue with feeling controlled -- there may be a hair trigger there. In your post, you were pressuring her to get a job, then evaluating the kinds of jobs she was taking, and effectively trying to enforce your will. Why do you feel it was important to you that W get the kind of job you thought was appropriate?

If W's under the table jobs weren't going to pay, why didn't you think that W could figure that out or handle that situation on her own?

In terms of a 180, that may be one to work on. Instead of evaluating and controlling, work on listening and supporting. Be OK with yourself, even if W isn't doing what you think she should. (i.e. I'm OK with myself whether you take a bad job or not. I would like for you to take a job that is going to reward your abilities appropriately, but whatever job you decide to take, I will support you)

To some degree, if W has control issues, you will need to learn to surrender to her bad decisions (in your view), rather than try to control or influence them. Then, be there to pick up the pieces if things go wrong without an "I told you so".

This will be hard, but it will be worth it!

Accuray