You are doing great! She is making contact with you and you are not pursuing. How you handle yourself (with her pursuit)will be critical in the R. Here's why.....it's very hard not to get excited over her contacting you. Naturally, you want her to do even more contacting, right?
There's kind of a thin line here. You don't want to be cold or mean toward her, but also she needs to see that she made this decision to leave. She needs to see that you have not been destroyed by her leaving, and that you are picking up your life and going on. Now, she's feeling some of the fall-out of her decision to leave, and it's not as fun as she thought it would be.
Your part is to allow her to feel the loneliness and pain due to her decision. Don't try to protect her from herself. Don't attend her pity parties. Don't you think it's pretty ironic that she tells you that "this is so hard"? I don't know that I agree with telling her you will be there to listen anytime she needs. JMHO, but for now, I don't think you should take her bait and even ask if everything is okay. Take the quotation below for an example.
Quote:
I asked if everything was ok and told her that i understood if i wasn't the person she wanted to talk to if something was wrong but I was here to listen if needed.
This statement (even though it shows compassion) puts yourself down. Next time that she starts hinting about being lonesome or things are hard.......just don't reply to that statement. Give it several moments. If she continues, fine.....if not, that's fine too. But what are you going to do, console her for breaking up the M and leaving you? I don't think so!
Give yourself several scenarios that she may present. Practice how to handle it. I'm serious.
There is coming a time (and may be very soon) that she's going to show up at your door and she's going to give you the sex test. She'll manage to fall into your arms, probably crying, and then one thing leads to another. I want you to remember what I'm going to tell you. She's going to lead you into having sex with her, and then she'll be gone. Do not fall for it! This happens all the time, and it's nothing more than her seeing if she can still make you crumble by having sex. Then, the challenge will be over and she's lost interest once again.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
