Putting it back together, but SSM issues linger

[Accuray]

Thanks SillyOldBear,

have you sat down with your wife lately and told her that you feel lousy because you get the impression that she thinks her affair was justified, although regrettable?
If so, what did she say?

Yes, I did get to the point that I couldn't keep it in any longer and had that discussion with her about a month ago. She once again reinforced that she's sorry for how it made me feel, but argued her point again about why it was justified. I left that conversation understanding that I was not mis-interpreting how she felt.

She felt that since she was already checked out of the marriage, and on a path to get divorced, that it wasn't really a betrayal in terms of where her committments were. She also felt that it was necessary to go through that to help her pull the trigger on asking for divorce, otherwise she would have been consigning herself to more years of unhappiness. Based on my reading, her view of it lines up with an "exit affair" where WAW needs the crisis to make a decision. That's I believe why she doesn't regret it and feels it was justified.

Accuray