My take after going through similar situation for about 18 months before my wife finally moved out is that you are in limbo and part of the reason is that your wife still has daily contact with her affair partner. Even if you had your issues and she lost her feelings for you, etc., she will NEVER have a chance to get them back if she is still in contact with the affair partner IMHO.
You are right that she is still there because she doesn't want to disrupt her kids and wants to be comfortable.
Otherwise, you are fortunate that your family is still together. There is always hope if you are under the same roof.
I was insistent that my W discontinue ALL contact with her affair partnre and she wouldn't. This led to eventually sleeping in separate rooms and my further insistence eventually led to her moving out - which is what I demanded - for her to make a choice.
Once she left it was actually a relief in many ways. The limbo would have NEVER ended while she had any contact with the OM. I see that so clearly now looking back. I was able to move my life forward and I am in a much better place personally now than a the depths of this limbo. It is VERY hard to live with someon under those circumstances and not natural I realize now even more when looking back.
Take comfort in the fact that you are still under the same roof, but that presents unique challenges and while she may wish to someday be 'free' it turns out it will be good for you also, assuming she never comes around and changes direction(and I don't think she will if she still sees the affair partner). I would be suspicious about the affair being 'over' actually given her behavior. It may be emotional and not physical at this point and that is just as devastating to your chances to reconcile with her.
After my W moved out, I miraculously met a wonderful woman that I am planning to spend the rest of my life with. W didn't really have a plan, and I think she moved out as a 'test the waters' move assuming she could likely come back. I filed for D, and at one point she DID want to come back but I had moved on. I know she has many regrets and was not thinking totally rationally about the entire situation. The fact that you and your W are at least having some cordial relations may mean she is a little more grounded than many women in this situation, which might be a benefit in the end.
I haven't read the history behind your situation, so forgive me if there are many details I am not aware of.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
