The negative 'voices' or impulses always creep in--until you get really practiced at fighting them. They will actually go away eventually, you will have new habits.
Another very nice exchange with kids and H yesterday.
He usually brings the kids home at 1, at 12:30 I texted him if he could meet me at the park/farmers market instead. He agreed and we had a nice 1/2 hr shopping and chit chatting.
Each week there are so many times I want to text him and say "did you see the article on blah blah.." or "your favorite author has a new book" or "yay the yankees choked" but I never send those texts. I store those topics for chit chat and this weekend I actually used some of them.
Also cell phone company called me last week to tell me H bill was unpaid. I wanted to text but instead I did nothing and guess what? today I checked our checking acct and he paid it.
On Sept. 12 my H had his lawyer call my L (who is also my father) and say we are getting a D but no action no paperwork and he is still depositing paychecks into shared account. hmmm?
Things are looking pretty good. I just get impatient and want them to go faster. I dont want my girls to have 2 Christmas.
So grateful for this board. When I tell friends that the good news is he hasnt actually filed for a D, they think its crazy.
My motto for the day is NO NEGATIVE VOICES
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Hey BM - I really like your positive attitude! I know it is a very hard thing to do to remain as upbeat as your appear to be, but you are doing great and inspiring others!
Keep it up!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
My H has not called the girls all week. So weird. He used to be the most doting dad. We spoke several times a day & he would always call at bedtime.
Why does he not call??
I converted my d crib to a big girl bed this week. She loves it! I was waiting for H to call to tell him about it.
I am starting to think maybe I should send out a rope and see if he tugs. Just a little something, maybe ask him if he could fix something in the house.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I would try to resist the temptation to call or reach out. When you are feeling that urge, wait a day, then one more. Sometimes just thinking about your S sends enough of a signal that they reach out out of the blue. Since your H is out of state (I think that's right) it takes a little time for that subliminal signal to reach the target.
Hold off as long as you can.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
I guess I am trying to figure out when or if to test the water a little.
I can continue being dim but I dont think it will bring my H closer I think he could just hang in limbo land for years. My DB coach does encourage me to reach out to him and gauge his reaction but I dont want to come on to strong.
i think its also important that I reach out a little in a loving way because one of his complaints is that I am cold. He is also very passive so I think a small gesture to see how he reacts might be needed.
Lucky for me he is out of state and I wont rush to do anything. It will definitely be a well planned thing.
Still so weird he hasnt called his kids week. What is up with that?
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
My H still has not called the girls. He saw them last Sunday till 2P and hasnt called or anything since. I cant even explain what awesome dad he was pre-bomb. This is so off behavior. Is he drinking? Is it another woman? Does he just not love anyone? Is he just separating? Is this just what happens when you split up? He doesnt call his kids?
I know I am not a mind reader but any thoughts??
Should I initiate a call with H and the girls tomorrow night at bedtime?
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Don't know what to say here other than to share a recent experience with me and my W when she went away on her 4 day spa weekend.
In this event, W didn't call to speak with me or the kids during the entire length of her stay. This was very unusual but I resisted the temptation to reach out to her and I think that was a good thing in retrospect. Of course I am fairly sure she was with the OM of which there is nothing I can do about that! I also know that she was feeling extremely stressed while she was away (she told me this after her return) thinking about our sitch and what we were going to do next..
So, what does this mean for your H? Who knows? But if you have been good about not initiating contact and keeping yourself busy with GAL activities then I would say that this plays to your advantage. You are not pursuing or pressuring and that is good DB discipline. Try to keep this focus and I'm sure your H will surface soon enough.
Hang in there Brooklyn!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
H still hasnt called his daughters - its been a week. Wow. He must really be a mess.
I am going to call him with the girls tomorrow night before bed. And act casual. Just calling to have the girls say good night. Not at all mention his not calling.
He is leaving me right not his kids?
The priority here is my kids. I think them having a regular relationship with their father is more important then my H thinking I am pursuing. Plus its been a week since any contact. It is a little concerning??
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
