Welcome to divorcebusting.com. As you can tell by the great advice you've been given, we are here to help you brainstorm solutions.
You have to evaluate your situation as it changes--never put yourself or your child in harms way, or if you get in such a situation, have an escape plan.
People DO change. And you definitely affect a change in their behavior by changing your own behavior. For example, you may have lots of experience to indicate that if you do a 'drive by' verbal dump that will irritate him, you probably know he's not going to drop it--that he's going to follow you and escalate the argument. That does NOT make his behavior your fault (so you have to be careful with how this affects you mentally). You CAN do things differently to effect a change.
But -- in my opinion -- a complete change of character is only going to come if HE embraces it. It does happen, and it happens all the time. Talking about it with him isn't likely to get you there.
Keep posting--we are here for you. Hang in there, and take great care of yourself and your son.
