Every step I take I have to think, am I doing this for me or is this some strategic way to get my h to come home.. I learning that for many years I lived and breathed for my H, I did not have my own opinion, i walked on egg shells based on his moods, I was starved of attention, I could prance around the house naked and would get nothing....
Maybe its time for me to realize that unless he wants to focus on himself, there is nothing to change for us...
I want to be happy again, I want to provided the life for my girls that we once had.. this is on me, this is what I have to do..
I often think "if i do this, how would h feel.." the big lesson here is it doesnt matter how h would feel, because H is not here anymore, and no matter how much i read his signals, (the fact he is still wearing his ring..) he shows no signs of ever coming back.
my h has not filed for d or even mentioned it since the moveout, but he he does refer to us being broken up ( like we are in highschool)and the relationship ending.. etc..this should be enough for me to just let go, move on...I so need to learn to detach, I need to find the strength within myself to GAL.
The facts are, he may not have filed, or discussed it, but he is gone, if I dont start doing things for me, I will find myself just waiting and letting years go by, I will become his doormat. I will be the convenience, not the wife. I can not do this anymore, I need to be honest with myself and see things for what they really are.
I need to go back and re-read my journaling entry from a few days ago... I need to set some goals. I need to focus on me...
m 41 h 44 d 17 (prev marriage) d 9 Never give up!!!!!
