What I have done: I have given him a "hall pass". I know from previous experience with he and her, that he's going to follow her around like a puppy dog, lead by the nose until she either destroys him or he wises up. I can't fight it, so I've basically just "became" his friend again. It's hard to have to go back to GAL, Faking it til you make it, and basically acting as if, EVERYTHING he's doing is ok with me. I know I have to let go. Right now, the whole thing just feels like emotional abuse. My heart aches and if I had the money, I'd be out the door so fast my underwear would have to catch the next bus.
I go from wanting to DB to wanting to run for the hills. The moments I do want to DB again, I'm thankful that the house will take a while to sell, and it will give me time to DB. We still hug, kiss, he tells me he loves me when he leaves or we are on the phone etc. He wants his cake and eat it too. On the other hand, I know if I had my own place,... I could get out of the way, and I know that will be her "opportunity" to screw herself royally again. Which she will. She WILL revert back to her old ways once she figures I'm out of the picture.
Hon, please keep in mind I have been in your same shoes (then-H hooked up with a manipulative coniving horrible money-sucker woman who brain washed him, him unable to leave her and for a time having his cake and eating it too) The disrespect has got to stop, he has no regard for your feelings, so enthralled is he with ow that he is unable to make a clean break and be the h you deserve. She will do this and that and he won't care, not until he moves in with her and the magic of the forbidden love dissapears that he will see her for who she is. Once my ex moved out, I told him to leave if he could not break it with her, she drove him nuts, he even ended up asking MY advice about how to rid of her, it was ugly. The thing is, he wont' come to his senses now, and you don't need a man like that. I know you want him in your life, Lord knows I wanted my ex even after he left me and we started separation papers and he lived with crazy woman. But I'm telling you now, you are just hurting yourself allowing this mess to go on.
Don't let this blind man hurt you and treat you like this, you deserve a better life, he has no spine now. Do what you can to put distance between you two, if he truly wants to be with you he will ditch her, be truly sorry and work his tail off to get you back, he has to want to do it, othewise it is totally useless. I DBed for so long, given ex so many "hall passes" as he was unable to break with gf, all I got was misery, hurt and betrayal. Do yourself a favor and let him go, do the LRT and if it fails you have a new life ahead of you which will be wonderful and free from his misery.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
