As for the other stuff - why is he still living in your home? Boot him out if he's seeing her. He can go crash on some friend's couch or she can boot her husband and he can live there. Really, he needs some reality to smack him in the face, as long as you make nice with him, you're enabling him.

As for the financial side - I hope you've gotten some good legal/financial advice before you sell the home? Have you filed? I wouldn't sell the home until you have some kind of legal agreement. For example - let's say a divorce settlement includes him owing you, say, $20,000. If you haven't sold the house yet, it can come out of the proceeds of the house sale. But if you've already sold the house and split the proceeds, and he's spent all his proceeds already - good luck getting that $20 k out of him! No valuable asset should be sold unless you have some legal agreement about who gets the money from it.

And is selling the house what is best for you? Could you afford to stay in the house if you had a room mate? Do you want to stay in the house? Will you be able to buy another house?

I agreed to sell our house early on because my ex was so anxious to buy the property he was renting. I knew I couldn't afford to buy him out of the house, so I agreed.

But what I didn't realize was, I couldn't qualify for a loan on a new house until my divorce was final, because I needed to have my alimony counted in my income. And my divorce negotiations dragged on for another year and a half. Luckily, the housing market in our area didn't go up too much in that time - but it did go up, I did lose some money.

So don't sell your house yet unless you KNOW you can buy another one on your own, or you don't have any plans to buy again.

As for the marriage - I first came here when my H had his second affair (first was in the first year of our marriage, second was after 23 years of marriage). We reconciled through DBing, had several good years, then he went downhill again and wanted to separate. I realized at that point that, EVEN IF he came back later wanting to reconcile again, that there was NOTHING he would be able to do that would make me trust him again. I'd been able to forgive and feel safe twice - but I knew I would never feel safe with him again now, and I didn't want to live the rest of my life looking over my shoulder.

At that point I knew I was DONE. And FWIW, I have had the sweetest sexiest handsomest men in my life since my divorce smile There IS life after their craziness, and it can be sweet.