"I'm having a hard time understanding how my faults in the relationship would drive her to a PA. "
It's natural but remember one important thing:
NOTHING YOU'VE DONE EVER JUSTIFIES AN AFFAIR. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I part ways with Bond's comments here, if I understand them...
YES-while we are all responsible for our choices, the fact that your wife MAY have felt justified in it, DOES MATTER and your role in that, DOES MATTER...and my gut tells me that either
your w is selfish and rationalizes things easily and you're a great guy who has little to work on - but must accept he married a lousy partner
OR YOU DID PLAY A PART in this and you have to work on YOU so that part of this, yours, does not get replayed...
you decide which it is...but if it's all on her, then you are powerless.
Your W made a decision. Rather than going to MC first or having a heart to heart, or whatever, SHE made the decision to have an A. It's not your fault.
OR MAYBE
she talked to her h 100 times and said she felt neglected, needed more attention, wanted time together, didn't like being ignored, or abused or yelled at or critisized or controlled, or a dozen other things she MAY have said but were not heard...
In fact, many WAS's actually accuse the LBS of giving them no choice but to have an A. "If you paid more attention to me, I wouldn't be forced to have sex with another person." Uh yeah right.
Don't beat yourself up over this. The OP is not better than you. Remember that.
all I'm saying here is that if you were a perfect h and had a wonderful happy marriage
then I guess she screwed the pooch
and you are helpless to change a thing b/c you are already flawless.
Wouldn't it be a better use of your time trying to CHANGE YOU and that means moving on
not giving up - but movoig forward as a man, living your life well,
letting her discover the flaws of OM and letting the memories of closeness with you, resurface? That requires DETACHMENT and some brave inward searching.
The real journey is an inward one anyhow, so figure out who you want to be and become that man.
Once there, you have to know you've done your best and that the results are out of your hands.
It's true that in theory, your w may have had an affair no matter what.
What do you do with that? The same thing! Become the best man you can become and move forward.
If she wants to catch up to you, SHE WILL...as long as you keep the road home is paved and smooth, (Not saying be a doormat!!!)
then she'll make the effort if she's up for it. If not, then you are moving forward that much sooner.
make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
