Here we go... again!

[Abbey]

My sig explains some of the sitch.

My husband began an affair with a manipulative gold digger in 07. Unfortunately, they conceived a child together. The child is now 2.5 years.

When we started the process of getting back together in Sept 08 when she was 8 weeks pregnant. He came to me and asked me to raise this child. I actually said I would. I meant it then, I mean it now.

After a few false starts we got back together on April 1st 09. OW told H that the kid wasn't his. NOW, she's back saying it his. I do think it is his. Paternity test is now done. The problem is he thinks he's in love with her. (Of course I think it's babymama syndrome) but he wants a relationship with her.

Whilst of course still wanting me. We have a biz together and he still wants to work together with me, even if we split and he's in a relationship with her. He's called me his best friend, his only friend. (Yeah, most people would KILL to have a marriage to their best friend, wouldn't they?)

Anyway, He and I have both admitted we're not "in love" with each other right now. We do love each other, but when we got back together, we didn't get a chance to do the work needed to make our marriage strong again. The trust issue wasn't there because I knew the day would come when the golddigger would pop back into his life and that there was unfinished business between them. And he's falling for her shenanigans like a house of cards.

She's had 5 kids with her husband, she's had multiple unproductive pregnancies, and unfortunately fertile Myrtle got knocked up with my H which she did carry to term. She's now of course, using the kid to manipulate him. (which of course he doesn't see because he wants to be with his child so much). She's also claiming poverty. They've been back into each others' lives for less than 2 months, and already she's pulling the sympathy crap on him about being broke, that her husband (who she still lives with, BTW)... doesn't contribute and that she's working 80 hours a week and will need to take another job to make ends meet. (Keeping her knees shut should have been an option.)

She see my H as her ticket to financial security. She's still got the pipe dream of living with my H and ALL her kids. H has said repeatedly that will never happen. At this point, I dunno. He's so under the spell of a child and her dangling the carrot... who knows.

All the while, when I left the first time, I was financially secure, now, I'm not as much. We had to make up for the mess he made of our financial sitch, (he bought a failing bar) that took us forever to get rid of. He's MLC, in-amoured of his child, and is seeing the babymama with rose colored glasses.

What I have done: I have given him a "hall pass". I know from previous experience with he and her, that he's going to follow her around like a puppy dog, lead by the nose until she either destroys him or he wises up. I can't fight it, so I've basically just "became" his friend again. It's hard to have to go back to GAL, Faking it til you make it, and basically acting as if, EVERYTHING he's doing is ok with me. I know I have to let go. Right now, the whole thing just feels like emotional abuse. My heart aches and if I had the money, I'd be out the door so fast my underwear would have to catch the next bus.

I have to "let" him get burned big time by her. What I've found out about her over the years is that she's a first class bed jumper, and while my H isn't sure it's his kid, he's confused, and anxious and drawn into her web again. She's a first class manipulate AND a nut job. But,... I'll give her this much, she's good at duping people.

I go from wanting to DB to wanting to run for the hills. The moments I do want to DB again, I'm thankful that the house will take a while to sell, and it will give me time to DB. We still hug, kiss, he tells me he loves me when he leaves or we are on the phone etc. He wants his cake and eat it too. On the other hand, I know if I had my own place,... I could get out of the way, and I know that will be her "opportunity" to screw herself royally again. Which she will. She WILL revert back to her old ways once she figures I'm out of the picture.

Some background on her: She's verbally abusive to my H. She's mentally abusive, lies like crazy, she told my H she terminated the pregnancy to get her way. When he refused to let her move into MY house, she broke in and refused to leave. H called the cops on her, and she started screaming that he was hitting her. She's a FRUIT CAKE! Of course right now, he's candy coating all that stuff ... saying it was her pregnancy and hormones etc.

What I know is that they're already fighting. I know he's already lying to her.

Do I DB this, or just go numb, smile til it hurts and pray for a quick sale?

Abbey