when an S goes up and down like this it can be difficult, to say the least! As I've seen, when dealing with an S when there're like this the best you can do at the moment is to try your best to stay on an even keel. Try not to react too much much when they all of a sudden they throw something off the wall. (Save that for when you're by yourself if needed or just vent on this board...we can take it) Be yourself, listen to them, acknowledge W's feelings. However, If W starts taking unfair sniper shots at you let her know that's not on and move along.
At the moment, and I know this is not easy, but for now try to steer yourself away from doing things with the intention of 'just' trying to win W back. Save that for later, for now. Pick yourself back up. You already have a lot on your plate full in dealing with the anxiety and stress of the situation. You have to do good, healthy things for you that you know have worked for yourself before. Even try new things to get your mind off the Hampster that maybe running around in your head. An art class? Martial arts? Skydiving even? Use your imagination. (You might have to get a pen and paper out and make a list of these things, helps to get this stuff down on paper.)
What you are experiencing in this type of sitch is actually quite normal. I experienced it. Many others on this board have too. Guess what, often we feel alone and that perhaps there might even be something wrong with us. When an S is like this often they are on a journey and we're not invited. They have things to sort out and it has to run its course. Know that you are not responsible for W's part in this, only your own part. If you see something that you can do to make yourself a better fellow then try it. Even small changes can pan out later. (For myself, I know this sounds silly, but six years ago I resolved to make my bed every day. Didn't stop. Later, when I needed to make bigger changes I would look on this little thing and say, 'Hey, I stuck with that, I can do this now.')
If this helps, I'll relay a sitch from my own experience. After W wanted to separate, W decided she wanted to go out for dinner with me. While there, she said she would like to take a trip with me for a week to see her family and show that we were strong as a couple. She wanted to do this the very next week. I responded with, 'At the moment my work can't allow a week for me. Perhaps we can work on things for now and strenghten our relationship. That way we could show them a united front. In a couple months I'll be able to take a week or even two and then we can see them as a much better couple.' She stayed silent for a bit. Then, no less than 5 minutes later she said she wanted a D. Where'd that come from!?
I thought I was dealing with something unique but after seeing other people's sitche's, some good guidance, I found this was quite normal when an S is trying to discover themself. In my experience, you've got some good people here. Use us, we're easy. (Yes, keep talking to DB coaches too when needed. From what I've seen they're good. Lots of positive feedback. If they were not good I would relay that. Also, a friend that is mostly pro marriage but doesn't have a bone to pick with this n' that is a keeper too. Use your best judgement here.)
Some more suggestions for consideration,
1. As said, try writing things down on paper. It can help to get things off the mind and down on paper. Don't leave this for others to see it though. This is for yourself.
2. Get active. Exercise regularily. Helps stave off the bluesey stuff.
3. Get out and see good friends and family. Don't sit there like a blob and gaze at your navel. Take the kids, make it a fun outing!
4. Take some quiet time for yourself. Be creative here.
5. Tell the kids you love them and make a point of telling them this is not their fault.
Anybody else have suggestions here feel free to post them. I'm sure Garwayne wouldn't mind!
Coyote Boy
PS> Sorry, forgot I wasn't allowed to post a non DB link. Aka, a good BBqueing link for some viscious recipes! I understand though...My bad...
I haven't posted much in the last seven years. I've been a lurker. Just lookin' to put back all the good help I've gotten...
or just vent on this board...we can take it) Be yourself, listen to them, acknowledge W's feelings. However, If W starts taking unfair sniper shots at you let her know that's not on and move along. 
