Quote: it just feels wrong not to call her and wait for her every time.
It's not wrong to wait.
Let me say that differently. I know what you mean, but I want you to understand what I mean. Don't put yourself in a "holding" position, but instead, fill your daily life so that you don't feel that you're "waiting" for her to contact first. When you catch yourself watching the phone or email, get busy with something else.
I came here to the DB board every single night! When I felt temptation I came here and that helped me get through one more day.
If you don't have anything to report, then read other stories here and reach out to other posters.
BTW, I'm interested in the goals you've set. Will you share them with us?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks again Sandi, it does help to calm my fears a little.
My goals are really from taking on board what W has complained about. Mostly it is around my social interaction. It would seem that I am anti-social, talk down to other people and ignore the opinions of others because I always know better.
I am trying to ressurect my business that died earlier this year.
So, I have been reading self help books, I have joined a dancing class which took some guts and I am practicing being nice with people I meet in the course of my business etc. I have also been training myself to bite my tongue when I see things that irritate me, like cyclists on the footpath etc. One of the things that always made her cringe was my pointing out the error of these cyclist's ways to them when passing. Fair point.
I have altered my dress code so that I change into something different when arriving home. That was one of the other points she made. I have done this consistently so every time she has been over, I have been in my glad rags.
I have booked music lessons too and have bought an electronic piano to practice with.
It isn't like her not to be in touch. It has been 3 days now with nothing. This is getting really really difficult, I am itching to text or ring her. I know I shouldn't but nothing has ever been this hard before. It just feels like she doesn't care.
But then I have to accept that she doesn't which is why she went. Actually, it was Wednesday PM that she called, so it has been two days rather than three. I am a bit worried that I upset her by ending the call short.
I reckon I am being a bit irrational here, my over analysing everything I suppose. Being on my own for probably 20 hours a day doesn't help a lot.
Not sure about that. I would say probably yes, I don't like to do half a job which she finds frustrating. As an example, I will strip a car right down to spray it, whereas her choice would be to brush paint it so it is quick and easy.
What would you suggest I do about the fact that she is on Skype most evenings? Should I stay invisible or just not bother with MY contacts for a bit. No great hardship really as the main one is the "So Called Friend" who I am continually suspicious of. I could block her ID but that seems a bit petulant, especially when I see it as a doorway if she wants to use it.
Seeing her online does give me a little lift to know that she is well, even if I hear nothing from her.
Been thinking about some of the things that I can improve. One of my consistent failings is to live in the past and use the "lessons" to shape my life today. I had convinced myself that because I am always the partner who gets dumped, that it is a question of WHEN rather than IF she left me. Perhaps I created it unconciously by having a brick wall up?
Still feeling negative, my lack of patience is making me fret about losing her altogether. I suppose that is why I am itching to contact her. There is some post for her which I was thinking of letting her know about, but will not without permission :-) It is nothing she needs urgently, just a statement of a credit card she cut up that was used for household expenses (I paid the bill).
Maybe I recognize myself in some things you pointed out. You want a job done right, and if it's not....you say something about it. I am M to a person very different from me. He is very....shall I say, laid back? So, I can come across as complaining; always finding fault with something; nobody can please me; things are never good enough; etc. Of course, I don't see myself like that, but it must be tough on those who have to live with me.
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What would you suggest I do about the fact that she is on Skype most evenings?
Well honestly, I think you would be better off by not watching her activity. The reason being, that you need to get stronger than you are right now. In order to focus more on GAL and reaching personal goal, you need to be able to detach from the emotional prison this situation seems to have you. It's kind of like having a sore. It won't heal if you're constantly picking at it. But, when all is said and done, you will do what you want. All we can do is make suggestions.
Quote:
Still feeling negative, my lack of patience is making me fret about losing her altogether. I suppose that is why I am itching to contact her. There is some post for her which I was thinking of letting her know about,
Please don't find excuses to contact her. Please trust our advice on this. I know women! If you stop showing interest in her and start getting a life without her......she will pursue you. If you work this right, she could be home again. But if you get in a hurry.....it will be gone forever. So let that give you more patient, okay?
So, tell me how you plan to fill your weekend?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
OK Sandi, I am resisting the urge. I cannot help but see she is online if I want to use Skype. The only way to avoid it is not using it or blocking her. I will give it some thought. I know what you mean about the emotional prison. I have taken off my ring and put it back on again today. I spend so much time on my own, it drives me mad. Spent some time today servicing one of my classic cars. Forgot to put the tray under when removing the oil filter, so had a slick to clean up. That was being mentally distracted. Did a couple of other jobs on the car and them moved on to modifying some new blinds for the bathroom. This evening (4-5 hours ahead of you?) I have pottered about fitting the blinds, playing with the cats and having a bath. The rest of the time I have been here reading and posting my spew.
Tomorrow I am going to a big car show. Taking my mother for some company. In the past I always had my W to be with at these shows. We would go round hand in hand, so it will be difficult.
As far at the perfectionist issue goes, my W is also very non confrontational and turns a blind eye to other people's behaviour. Funny how she told me a couple of weeks ago that she is now getting wound up by petty things which I no longer am!
