Hi Sandi, I was grumpy the night before leaving because I wasn't getting my way: i.e. reconciliation. "Why cant she see we are better together than apart?" and those kind of thoughts. Anyway, I did apologize, told her it was very hard for me and that I knew it was very hard for her also. She drove me to the airport in the morning. I told her I loved her, she said "I know" and wished me a safe flight. Its been five days away from her and our kids and I just want to go back and be with them and try to fix things. That being said, as has been pointed out many times here, the best thing I can do is work on me and my 180 and hope she sees that sometime. It will be two months next week since she dropped the bomb, so maybe things are still so fresh and painful for her. I still flux between shock, pain, disbelief and anger. I've got cancer patients to treat so I cant dwell on these things all day but I so wish I woke up months ago, did the right thing re EM and got help for myself and our marriage. I'm living, like all of us, with the consequences of those very bad choices.