During my conversation with my w last week, I had mentioned that I wanted to come over when the D was final and say goodbye to our cats. One is 7, the other is 4. One of them was my baby.
Cut to today - w emailed me asking if I wanted to come over and feed them and spend time with them while she was out of town with her students. She said that she was more than happy to have someone else do it, but wanted to give me the opportunity to see them since I had mentioned missing them.
Honestly - I'm just super confused. Friday has seemed to spark more contact with my w this week. I have done an "ok" job at holding my expectations and keeping it cool and calm.. I have seen this dance before in July. I don't want to get back on my rollercoaster again.
I want to guard my heart.
My w has had a history of letting me fix everything and take care of stuff. I'm very loyal and dependable.. however for most of this, she has not reached out really to take advantage of that in a awhile. So I'm not sure if it's that.
She goes on this trip yearly. She's known for awhile so she could have asked earlier. My guess is that because she is asking so late to her leaving, she could easily have someone else do it.
So assuming all that to be true, my w is doing this out of an act of kindness for me? If I let the stinking thinking go and just see that as hard for me to accept it, it must have been hard for her to ask it... right? (This is where 25 would probably say yes)
So she is putting herself out there.
Is this another opportunity for me to lay another block of the road?
I'm not sure I'm ready to go to her house. I want to see the cats but I feel it's too hard for me to see them in HER apartment with her not there. I don't know if she is sharing her life with anyone and I don't want to be put into a situation to see it.
This is all soo hard. I have no idea what's going on. I have no idea what to do.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
