OUCH...had a little backslide last night. And it still stings.
After one of our kid's school program last night, H went to pick up another child from a practice, and I took the other kids to a restaurant of my choosing. H and my other child were going to meet us there. As we were being seated, I noticed former ow's daughter sitting with some of her friends a couple of tables over. She and the other girls said hello to me (they aren't aware of what happened yet between my H and ow, thankfully), and the kids and I said hello back. They were there with an adult I know, so I figured that was that. And then, in walked ow. Dadgummit.
We live in a smallish town, so I see her from time to time. One of my big 180s has been that I no longer mention seeing her to my H. By getting mad and mentioning her to H, that just freshens her and the situation in his mind, and it gives her power to derail our reconciling. But last night, I texted him to let him know she was at a nearby table. He responded, "we just don't need to worry about that anymore." (Easier said than done).
I handled myself with grace through dinner; there was no eye contact or communication between the two of them (I have no doubt that relationship is over). She did try to catch my eye several times, but I didn't look her way.
Once we got home, I started letting all the old hurt and anger and fear resurface in me. I assured him I wasn't mad at him or think the two of them are together in anyway, but it did make me question some things in my mind. All silly, no good stuff that needed to be left alone, but seeing her (when I was with him) was really tough on me.
My H ended up staying the night at his rent house. That made me sad, but I let him go without any argument. This morning I have apologized for my behavior, explained to him why I acted that way (old fear, hurt, anger got the better of me) and told him I will do my best to not do that again.
I'm hoping that this doesn't derail us too much. It would be a shame if I had given her the power to do that.
Any help/suggestions/etc. on how to keep those negative feelings and thoughts and worries under control? Again, I've been doing GREAT with this so far when I run into her, but that was the first time in a very long time I ran into her when I was with H.
