Another bad day for me. Last night I could barely sleep, kept waking up. No matter how much I tell myself what he does no longer concerns me, I can't help but to wonder. When he finally rolled in, he tried to be intimate. I just pretended to be asleep but he kept his arm around me.
I know a lot of people have read my sitch and refuse to comment because it is entirely messed up. Living with a serial cheater that isn't even legally married to me, but what can I say? Denial and hopefulness can keep even the smartest of people in dysfunctional relationships.
But its not about saving a relationship anymore, its about saving myself. When you invest this much time and energy into a making what you think is going to be a better life, it is devastating to find everything crumbling around you. That's what I feel like right now. Trying to focus, trying to stay strong, but feeling so very weak inside.
I haven't cried at all, which may or may not be a good sign. I might be headed for a breakdown. I don't want him to be around for that.
Trying to maintain this front of everything being okay is hard for now. I know it will get better. I just have to get through this alone.
