In my first marriage, my h cheated a lot on me. I only caught him once, way after he had cheated multiple times and it destroyed me. I spent a lot of time in therapy trying to rebuild myself and my life, and I feel SO angry that h knew about this, and chose to cheat anyway.
I have days where I look at him and the anger fades away. Because he is genuinely putting effort in and trying. I feel it and see it. He has been more attentive, has taken more interest in my writing, and has in general been more emotionally supportive and open than ever.
Then I have days where I feel so angry that it's bubbling over. I slipped up a couple weeks ago and said something about OW. And he said, "Why can't we just forget about her? I don't even care about her or think about her".
He has lied so much that I worry he still lies. I don't know how trust is rebuilt. I couldn't rebuild it in my first marriage because I was emotionally unable to.
I think of h's lies, the things he did for OW and I want to cry or scream. I hold it in. I have gone back to look at her facebook and blog. I feel tormented inside sometimes. I don't know how to let it go, but yet I want so much for our marriage to continue.
And right now, h seems to be happier than ever and content. He is in a completely different place than I am, although he does understand my emotions right now from the fall out.
Angel I will take a look at your thread, could you please link me to it? Thanks.
