I spent all night with XW..........on the phone

[AntoniaB]

I don't think this relationship is ready for counseling because she is a total unequivocal mess, and I think this convo is no different than any other one before.

I think she sucked you back in SO badly. You resisted in the very beginning and then she calmed down enough to suck you in to not hang up, and she proceeded to eventually get around to the spewing and insults, and then kept you on the phone by occasionally throwing out things that probably gave you hope, such as the admission that she doesn't like being divorced.

Once you said you wished you could massage her forehead, that was a palm in the face moment for me ;-) Like really?? After all this, you're pursuing again? Cause that's a type of pursuit.

She is leading you by the nose...the whole "well there are more things that I want to talk about..." now that just has you not GALing, but waiting and wondering what they are, and allowing her the opportunity to keep you distracting from caring for yourself and then be her punching bag when she chooses.

If someone were treating me this way, I'd go fully dark on them. FULLY. It's the behavior of a child in a temper tantrum. She needs a counselor. You can't be that guy. Or she needs time enough alone to get her head right. You will never gain any strength if you keep allowing her to derail you.

She is in the initial shock of the divorce, finding out that it didn't change things. So...let her FACE that fact. What's happening is that she is confiding in YOU, almost like she is blaming you that divorce didn't get her what she wanted. You're the last person she should confide in if she made a mistake.

She is a child who needs to grow up, and the sad thing is that she is stopping YOU from growing up in ways you need to by involving you in her drama, and the even sadder thing is that you keep letting her.