A fork in the road - EA admitted by wife

[NYCPeter]

Quick Journal -

Got home last night - read story to D9 and put her to bed.
D6 read to me - she is a smart little girl and doing so well at school.

A few times last night W came me and started a conversation. For example - I was in the garage and she came in there to ask about my day etc.. I was on the laptop in the office - she came in to have a general chit-chat. This may not seem strange to most folks - but for the last few months it's one short conversation when we're in the kitchen. Not sure if this is due to EA revevelation or L visit next week (and any associated guilt).
W went to bed - I stayed up and watched football, when I went to bed it was quite clear we were sleeping on seperate sides of the bed.

Won't see her tonight as she is working - I will NOT be playing the - "What wime will W come home" game, I'll be going to bed.

She also mentioned her plans for Sat AM which don't involve the girls or me - that's fine, I told her I'd switch the girls horseback riding to Sat instead of Sun.

Joined a men's support group for folks that are going through or are post divorce. First meeting is Monday night - looking forward to it.

Made it through another night of no backsliding or R talk. At this stage I have shelved the idea of revealing I know about the PA (how about that for a 180)....

[Telemark]

Outstanding, Peter. Keep it up!

[Accuray]

Nicely done! Although we're seeing things through a keyhole, it certainly seems like having the EA in the open has taken a load off for your W. Maybe it's easier for her to approach you when she has less to hide, and easier for her to talk when she doesn't have to worry about divulging something by mistake?

If you view her overtures as a good sign, that's great! A word of advice, in both cases it seems like she interrupted you. When that happens, stop what you're doing and give her your attention, that might be another 180 for you.

--Accuray

[NYCPeter]

I'm not sure I view her overtures as a good sign - she may just be relieved the EA is out in the open and feels I have accepted the situation and am ready to move on with the D.

Question :
If she does see the L next week and files - how should I react when she tells me?
Was thinking along the lines of "Thanks for giving me a heads up. I recognize that this is a path you feel you need to go down and whilst I disagree with your decision I respect that you have every right to make the choices you want to make".

[Telemark]

Question :
If she does see the L next week and files - how should I react when she tells me?
Was thinking along the lines of "Thanks for giving me a heads up. I recognize that this is a path you feel you need to go down and whilst I disagree with your decision I respect that you have every right to make the choices you want to make".

She knows how you feel about the D. Don't beat her over the head with it.

[workinghardguy]

Or you could even shorten it to "Ok"

Cool and collected, not worried about it, not freaking out, not dramatic. Almost detached and unconcerned. Let her wonder why you're not devastated, and if you are don't show it.

[NYCPeter]

Ok - Will not be devestated, I am as prepared as I can be.

Weird night - D9 woke up around 1:30, I brought her upstairs to the spare room. I went to bed - W came home around 2:00 (must have been a quick drink after work). Definitely started on other side of the bed but ended up pretty much snuggling all night. When we get up today - W is cold and distant.

Got to love this rollercoaster - she did her thing this morning (whatever it was, I didn't ask) - I took the girls horseback riding - W went to work - I have been chilling out with the girls getting tonight's dinner ready.

So we've managed to get through another day of limbo - Tuesday's visit to the L is looming but that's her gig not mine.

Need to figure out something to do with the girls tomorrow and going to the support group on Monday night.

[sandi2]

How about that 180!! That seems to be the hardest for most on here. Be proud, and continue to just put one foot in front of the other.

((hugs))

[In_Shock]

yes, that is a great 180. Just don't acknowledge it. Keep. Quiet. Please.

[NYCPeter]

Ok folks - big day and I don't mean in a positive way.

W did not come home until 5:00am - I said nothing (pretended to be asleep when she came in).

W was away for most of the day (with her parents) - I spent time with the girls playing outside (beautiful day).

When she came back - her parents took the girls for dinner and my W said she wanted to chat.

W said she is filing next week.

She won't change her mind - her mind is made up and she wanted to be fair about it. Her parents will help with the house and she wants me to give up the equity in the house and I keep the 401k (pretty much a wash).

She wants standard CS and a small amount per month in alimony.
She obviously had all the numbers verified by a L and had discussed everything with her parents.

She wants to go through a mediator rather than L's.

She kept prompting me for a reaction and my response - "Thanks for letting me know". W said - "don't you have anything else to say". I said not at this time.

I went for a drive to clear my head - W is now putting the girls to bed. I'm sure she'll raise it tonight - I'll not take the bait and just validate anything she says.

Do I want to save my M - yes.
Do I want to be with someone who quite clearly doesn't want to be with me and is having an A - No.

I'm beginning to think D isn't such a bad idea,