Uncharted Waters; Need a Paddle

[workinghardguy]

The list is fine. Establishing the list is fine. The list is a far cry from what you first said you were going to do:

If I'm paying, the I make that decision. I'll be reasonable about who can pick them up. There's not way in the holy blue hell that I'm going to let her boyfriend (assuming she has one) or someone like that pick up my kids. THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!!

Remember those words? Read them again and you should be able to pretty clearly see that your plan was, and maybe still is, to control your W's life. No one ever said crazy guy was going to be on that list. IMO you're using crazy guy as a proxy issue to rationalize control. But that's just my opinion.

But read your own words again. You clearly stated that you were going to control who she puts on that list, and you don't get to do that unless you have some type of solid evidence.

Also remember that you're the one who predicated this particular crisis but ignoring your W's questions about pick up. So, frankly, the "open communication about the kids" is some amount of bunk. Perhaps you usually openly communicate about the kids, but in this case you decided to use it as a power wedge against her. Then when she decided to solve it in her way it pissed you off. Perhaps that original post, much like the post I just made in my own sitch, was done out of immediate anger and being upset. And now you've had time to reflect which is a good thing. And its ok to post out of anger, and better to do it here than blast our WAS with the anger and hurt.

But remember that this will happen again, and next time your interaction with her may be immediate. How do you think this would've resolved if your interaction with her had been full of pain and anger like the original post?

As far as co-parenting... I'd start at Co-parenting 101 website and look through their offerings. There's lots there to process.