I spent all night with XW..........on the phone

[angel61]

Tad,

Everything your W said I heard from my H at one time or another. It is typical MLC. Nothing surprising there.

As they say, the fate of the marriage is in the hands of the LBS.

The MLC'er is confused, that we all know. We cannot expect them to tell us things, to let us know what to do. We also, however, do not know what to do (as you XW said you were supposed to know) but that is why the boards are so helpful...people here have passed this way already. And using that wisdom has saved many M's. In my own sitch, I credit so much of the progress that I am seeing now as because of all my friends here.

Tad, it might not be too late, if you really want her back. Listen with your heart, not with your head. Your W is almost begging you to be there for her, to wait, to be patient, not to replace her. She is not ready thus she pushes you away, but she wants you to be there for her when she is, that is why she is reeling you in.

It all depends on you. She is starting to open up, to face her inner turmoil. Take it easy, let her lead the talk, validate, don't impose or control.

Don't think of the specific words she says - especially those little, petty things. Those are just spew. But think of the over-feeling that you got from it, the over-all message.

But keep up the DBing, the detachment. You said ILY, you suggested that you talk again. How quickly you forget that you are not to pursue. Let her lead. And continue working on yourself, making your changes, making yourself a better person. She will see it, I guarantee.

Take care Tad!